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Showing posts from August, 2012

What's love got to do with it: A message to Ann Romney

Dear Ann,

For the most part, I’ve been hiding under a pillow, humming “LA LA LA” loudly during the Republican National Convention, but I peeked out this morning to watch your speech on YouTube. There was one hilarious part, when you reminded me a lot of Marcel the Shell, but other than that, it made me a little sick to my stomach.

In case you don’t watch her, Marcel the Shell talks about what she uses to replace ordinary objects, due to her miniature size.
 “Guess what my skis are,” Marcel the [tiny] Shell asks.
 “What?”
“Toenails. From a man.”
“Guess how I strap the skis to the car?”
“How?”
“With a human hair.”  And so on. That’s all I could think about when you started explaining about your desk being a door propped on sawhorses, and your dining room table being an ironing board.

That was really roughing it, that period in the late 60’s and early 70’s when your father in law was the governor of Michigan and you had to sell stock to pay for stuff, chipping away at capitol. You did…

Barack, the Beach, the Banana Bread

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I feel like I should explain why I keep bringing up the vegan banana bread versus the ocean, so here's the back story.

My lovely daughter recently accompanied her charming bf on a vacation.  His family generously included her on their trip to a beautiful house at the ocean, and for a week, they fed her, kept her supplied with good beer, and were generally welcoming and gracious.

In my own gesture of reciprocal generosity, I made a loaf of vegan banana bread.  The bf is coming for a visit later in the week; unfortunately, we've already eaten half of it, but I remain hopeful that at least a few crumbs will remain by the time he arrives.

I've been trying to convince myself that vegan banana bread, even a few crumbs, is waaay better than the ocean.  A rent free week filled with exquisite food in an elegant house at the ocean for a week, or a partial loaf of banana bread.  The more I study it, the more clear it has become that banana bread wins hands down.

I should have kept a…

The ocean, or vegan banana bread?

Instead of getting anything done, I'll write a little more on the great Ocean versus Vegan Banana Bread debate:

Ocean:  salty
Vegan Banana Bread:  sweet.

Ocean:  does not contain bananas unless they were washed over from the tsunami in Japan, and thus, potentially radioactive
Vegan Banana Bread:  contains bananas

Ocean:  impossible to slice
Vegan Banana Bread:  easy to slice

Ocean:  If it's in your kitchen, you have huge problems.
Vegan Banana Bread:  If it's in your kitchen, you have a welcoming treat for a vegan guest.

Ocean:  Very bad if it leaves its natural location.  Think New Orleans.
Vegan Banana Bread:  Could be swept up with a broom or eaten by a pet if it falls off the counter.

Ocean:  Very vulnerable to climate change.
Vegan Banana Bread:  Unconcerned about climate change.

Your Week at a Glance

Aries (3/21 – 4/19)Do you ever have that thing where you start cutting your hair -- you lop a few inches off one side, but you can't find a comb and you don't really know what you're doing anyway, you just know you want layers.  And then, after a few minutes of cutting, you really need a nap, so you take one, but never get back to the hair cut?  Yeah, me too.  This week is going to be a little rough, but enjoy the choppiness.  Make it your own.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  Your week will involve new huge challenges.  Tackle them with grace, the way you do, and soon, you'll start feeling amazing.  Use your open hearted kindness to draw a few more people into your web of fun this week.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21):  I recently had just the right people over for dinner, and after we ate, they leapt into action, and begin fixing things -- my computer, my chair, my haircut.  See if you can make this happen at your house his week.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/21:  Sometimes it's hard to know if yo…

Happy B-day!

On the occasion of her 27th birthday, I'd like to draw your attention to Leah's blog.  Leah is a remarkable person, a compelling writer, and the planet is lucky she's on it!  Read her blog, make comments, visit regularly.  You'll learn some interesting stuff.

Three Reasons to Subscribe

A few people have been wondering why in the world they'd want to pay to have access to my daily to do list.  Here's why.

1.    It may make you feel better about your life.  (Things you could possibly be thinking:  Wow, thank god I don’t have to paint the outside of my house today.”  or, “Really? She pays someone to help her with her writing, and then just writes to-do lists?  That’s really sad. I’m so not that person.”)
2.    You’d get the list without advertising!  No one at google is sitting around deciding you have belly fat, unwanted hair, or would be interested in getting your photo taken with the Charmin Bear at Sam’s Club.  (Really, google?  Is that who you think I am?).   (Do you like how I continue to use the Oxford comma, even though Oxford itself is dropping it?)
3.    Okay, at first, I know what you were thinking.  You were thinking what so many well-meaning smart people have been saying to me:  “Huh?”  But like that joke that seems dumb at first, it grows on you a…

Letters

I got this letter yesterday, and I thought I’d answer it here in case you were wondering the same thing.  

Dear Betsy,
I'm trying to arrange my focus this week, but it's hard to work without Betsy's List... How do I arrange for payment so I have more of a spiritual compass?
“Lhane”
Dear "Lhane",
From your font, you look like a brave guy -- the kind of person who has a man-o-lantern from participating in scientific research.  Why, I'm guessing that if your father (or any mad scientist, for that matter) were doing research in his basement that required subjects to first shave their chest, and then get strapped into an apparatus, you'd sign right up.  What I'm saying here, "Lhane", is that you're way ahead of the curve.  Others haven't been so forward thinking, and don't understand how subscribing to the list will make their life better.  

Once I have two people eager to subscribe at the $5 per year level, we'll add that link.  (But re…

Playin' real good (ish) for free.

Think about the uptick in Romney’sTwitter followers.  Imagine what the world will look like if the president of the US is the kind of guy who pays to have fake followers.Search E-bay to see what the cost of 10,000 Twitter followers is.($10).  Meet with my writing coach.Steel myself.Be prepared to explain that all I write is to do lists.Deal with forms and bureaucracy.Dine with M.

Day 2

1.  Clean up the kitchen.  And the rest of the house.  Remember when there was that big switch, where you weren’t supposed to fold and roll your outdoor gear, but rather, it was better to stuff it into the tiny bag?  Try to get that going with clothes.  
2.  Figure out what the dream that I had last night means:  I was helping put together land management plans for dog owners.  I’ve owned dogs at times in my life, and I love dogs, but lets be clear, I’m not particularly knowldgable, so this was that dream, the one where you’re supposed to know something and you don’t. Anyway, I was explaining the tax benefits of creating a plan (yeah, I know), and one man said, “I’m not doing it.  My dog is so good, so smart and faithful, and I already get too many benefits just having him in my world. I am absolutely not taking advantage of him just to get a tax benefit.”  He got a little choked up, and then so did I because obviously, this person was purely decent, and I felt humbled.  I felt as if…

Betsy’s List: Day 1

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I had breakfast with E-bro the other day, and I’m not sure if it was because he was bored to tears with the details of my day and he meant it sarcastically, or if it was because he found it genuinely fascinating, but he suggested that I create Betsy’s List.  I think it's best to assume he truly meant it, right?

We already have Angie’s List, which is extremely judgmental.  We're not about that.  And Craig’s List, which, though I’m semi- addicted, can be fairly creepy.  (Remember “Dhave”?) Or this, just today:
Home Depot:  I bought a drill.  You helped me choose a new drill since I lost my charger. I needed it to fix my son's bed. You asked me at least twice if I needed anything else, and yes, I did...I should have gave you my number. I think your name is Larry, but to be honest I was looking at your face, not your name tag. So, if you read this, or perhaps someone you know who does, please respond....I've got to know if I read you right!  Which brings us to Betsy’s List…

Horoscopes: The Parenthesis Edition

I am without computer for 5 - 7 days (gasp!) because I left my Macbook with a boy genius named Curt who doesn't seem to have the ability to grow a beard yet, but I have great faith that it will all go down better than it would have with "Dave".  Anyway, I'm at the library and trying not to jones too badly for a computer. 

Aries (3/21 – 4/19):If I were young and rich and loved stories, I'd go to Transom's workshop in Nantucket to learn how to create podcasts.  (I first wrote that with "in Nantucket" at the end of the sentence, but I like to  think the workshop applies more broadly than that.)  I do love stories, but the rest. . .   Anyway, they make very few podcasts, but when they post something, it's totally worth it.  For example, consider this:  two blind parents had two blind children, who grew up to marry [other people], and had another blind child.  It makes sighted parenting seem like such a snap.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  The podcast for yo…