- Why was the radio on in the post office at 7:30 in the morning on a Sunday? Was someone there, or is there a pet that needed soothing, or a squatter?
- What happens at a flag retirement ceremony? There are posters all over town advertising it, bring your tired old flags and we'll put them to rest appropriately. I'm so curious about who will go, what it will be like, and so on. Lullabies? Deep six? Someone go and tell me, please.
- Do Epsom Salts really soothe your aching muscles, and if so, how? This, I believe, can be answered by the internet, but ugh, climbing all the way up to the internets again. How many times a day can I do that?
- Why do I have so much trouble with froth and brushing my teeth all of the sudden? It used to be, brush teeth, no big deal. Now, each time I brush, I later notice a white frothy mustache around my mouth, as if I have rabies. Is it something with my saliva? Or my technique? The toothpaste? Or, as I suspect, is it
- Will we ever stop gun violence, or is it just a thing we'll continue to endure helplessly, like the weather?
- The potato chips that came with my sandwich today expire on Christmas. Duly noted.
- Why don't I know what vermiculite is? Again, sheesh, if I felt like it, I could climb back up to the top of the internet and find out, but I'm all out of breath from #8. But I'm embarrassed to confess that I don't really know what it is. Is it related to mica? Is it bad to harvest it as a substrate for a cricket home?
- I just converted my genetic testing results into medical results and discovered some interesting things. One is that I'm less susceptible to the placebo affect than the average person. The good news is that I have genes that are supposed to make me more empathetic, optimistic, employ sensitive parenting techniques, less likely to have autism, and, best news of all, less likely to get Alzheimer's. (Which seems to confirm that the toothpaste thing is a government plot?). The bad news is that I'm going to die. Eventually. Probably of cancer.