Showing posts from November, 2009
Aries (3/21 – 4/19): Yay. Finally, a good week ahead. You should probably celebrate with some yummy dessert, don’t you think? Tiramisu? Have you ever made that from scratch? I hear it’s the easiest thing ever. Oh, wait, that's not your horoscope, it's just a comment.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20): It seems like you’ve been having all of these little setbacks lately. You’re always so quiet about it all that you think no one really notices, but that just isn’t so. (Oh, was I supposed to keep that bit about the setbacks to myself?) There’s really not much more you could be doing.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21): I know, it is hard to focus. Especially now, with the moon is in the waxing gibbous, and the heart line so long and wavery. I might be mixing up palmistry with astrology, sorry! What all that means though, is don’t get any new pets this week, and forgive those people. I know! It isn’t easy, but they’re doing the best they can.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/21: Desperadoes, you better come to your…


Dear Chortnee,

I just saw some cannabis incense while out shopping today. Um, I thought incense was to cover up the smell of cannabis....

Sing me,

Confused Shopper

Dear Confused,

That's just to help sell houses. It provides that aroma of, "this house is so easy, even a pothead could live here."

Remember back when realtors advised that you bake bread, or boil water with cinnamon in it to make it seem homey? Well, that backfired. Prospective buyers were all, "shit, I have to bake if I live here? Could you show me something a little easier?" The cannabis incense sends the subliminal message, "lazy people who like to snack a lot would be right at home here."

Oh, and I think it's also used sometimes to mask the scent of cooking meth.

Thanks for writing,
Dear Khort-nee,

I would love some snarky advice. You see, I received Happy Thanksgiving texts from friends, even strangers, while I am out of town away from my children. I sent my kids a Happy Thanksgiving text message - it was a smarmy one, I admit it! - and my kids never replied.

What do I say, what do I do? see the back of my hand flung across my brow in a woe-is-me pose?

My boy is fourteen, my daughter is 21. My 6'3" boy is usually mistaken for a college student and my daughter is routinely considered to be a woman in her 30's, which has contributed to both of them thinking they are more mature than their years. As if teens and 20-somethings don't already have over-inflated egos as it is! If my reply is too whiny and dependent, I'm weak, if I'm flip them some you-know-what, it has to be hip enough to make me look cool.

Looking forward to seeing your reply posted!

Sign me,

Mother Hen Away from her Chicks

Dear Mother Hen,

Thanks for writing. I find your question …

Not in a vegetative state

I can't stop thinking about that guy, Rom Houben. It turns out he was not in a vegetative state, but rather, has “locked-in syndrome,” the same thing that the author of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly had. I can’t imagine anything harder, really. In case you didn’t read the story, Houben was in a car accident 23 years ago, suffered severe brain damage that was misdiagnosed as “nothin’s going on in there”, ala Terri Schiavo, when in fact, he has been fully conscious, having thoughts and emotions, but unable to express them.

Picture that. Living more than half your life, completely paralyzed, and unable to express yourself. Nothing worse, really.

It turns out that he can move one finger, so he’s writing a book. I know! If that doesn’t make me feel like a slacker. I’ll definitely read the book when it comes out. I suppose it will be the exact opposite of a travel book, which is when people go all over the world, interact with strangers, see new stuff, and write about it. …


Another furlough day today, yay. It seems like we should be on house arrest or something. “Um, I’m sorry, but I gotta just stay right here on the couch. I’ve got furlough today. Yes, its an actual condition, do you think I’d make that up? Why did you think they rhymed it with pillow?”

But it’s a nice break from the rat race and gives me way more time to waste in my favorite procrastinating ways, like refreshing this site: Snoqualmie Hydrologic Forecast on the 32 after the hour, and so on. Who knows, I may even fix the thermostat, go for a run, clean the house, and go to yoga, but right now, I’m enjoying the wood stove, so maybe not.

Oh, and another thing. In the class I just took about blogging, she said it was important to have links to other blogs you read, in order to build a little community. But my problem (okay, one of my problems) is that I don’t really read many blogs. I’ve been looking for some good ones. Suggestions?

Blogger is supposed to recommend blogs for you…

Yup. Still.

This is where the thermostat used to live, back when we had one.

No one has any problems? Even tiny ones?

Because this would be advice column day. I know. But let me introduce N'3lvra, the resident advice columnist. She lives here, in a faded turquoise double-wide at an undisclosed location on the internet. (I know. It's germy out there, with all of the people sneezing everywhere and not washing their hands, but she keeps to herself with her hand sanitizer, and hasn't gotten the H1N1 or anything worse yet.)

Surely, you must know someone with a problem. Write to her. She could use some human contact. Ask Cort-nee Now.

Oh, and her name? N'3lvra? I know, I think her parents were just selfish, don't you? But it is pronounced "Cort-knee". Spell it how you will, she really doesn't care.

What the Stars Are Saying About Your Week, A Monday Feature

Aries (3/21 – 4/19): I know! I didn’t think it would be this bad either. But you’ve got that cute puppy, and for now, a job, so enjoy it. Plan another trip or something. This week isn’t looking so great.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20): Oh, dear little Taurus people. Mind if I call you Tory? Too familiar? Okay, forget it, but remember, I can see into the future, and let’s just say you probably won’t need sunglasses today or tomorrow. But anyways, I don’t worry much about you; you tend to take pretty good care of yourself.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21): I think running is the best thing that’s going to happen in the next few days, so keep it up. You’ll at least feel like a legend in your own mind because you got out there.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/21: Don’t make it so damn hard. Just go with things, enjoy what you can and quit feeling so guilty and inadequate. It is completely unbecoming. And I mean that in the fondest way possible. Oh, and the stars suggest you should make soup.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22): A …

No more blow by blow

Okay, I’ve stepped away from this long and tedious story, and realized there’s no need to delve into it in any sort of detail. Suffice it to say:

I have been to The Home Depot three times this weekend.

I have spent over two hundreds of dollars. Yes, I said two hundreds, that was not a typo. I am my own little stimulus project, in fact. What does it take get a blue dot at This little dot could say, “Betsy tries to warm up the house. Number of jobs created: Unk.”

I have purchased and attempted to install two different thermostats, but the first one had the proper number of wires (4 + ground), but the wires were so much smaller than the old one that it seemed really, really wrong. Implausible that disaster wouldn’t ensue if I hooked the giant cable-ish wires up to the tiny new wire. The second one had the proper gage of wire, but only 2 wires, not 4. I’m sort of looking back at the old one, thinking, hey, maybe I was rash. Maybe we can work things out.

Oh, and that pic…

Everybody's missin' the sun

The other night, I was talking to J. & B., and the subject of my cold house came up. By Thursday evening, my house is extremely freakin’ cold (efc), because no one has been around and heat’s been off, and the insulation here consists of, oh, probably mouse feces and wilted old pink scratchy mouse nesting materials. (I prefer to say mouse, rather than the other rodent possibility.) At any rate, J. suggested I go get a thermostat with a timer, and have it heat the house up before I get home. Duh. I know, everyone else got one of these in the eighties. A tiny voice in my head was all, “leave well enough alone,” but I did not listen.

I went home: “You know, thermostat, we need to break up. There’s a coldness that just doesn’t belong in a healthy relationship. Thermostat was all silent, grrr, I hate that. But I knew what T. was thinking: “Um, it’s always all about you, isn’t it. You want me to be totally at your beck and call, even when you aren’t home.” But whatever, I was …