Problem #1: The hero's journey

Well, it doesn't seem right to wait all the way until Tuesday when people have actual real problems.  So, here goes.

Dear Fake Astrologer,

I'm trying to make plane reservations for next summer for my daughters and myself and the SITE WON'T LET ME. I'm talking about significant money here. We're going to the UK. The site just says nuh-uh, try later or try a different type of skill, like juggling. I don't like juggling or hacky-sack either, even though I went to Evergreen-go goeducks!

Or call the 800 number and you know how that is. About 30 minutes of horrible crackling 'music' until you hit the 'end' button. Then you look for travel agents who can help you but it's after 5PM!!! And anyway, who uses travel agents? Old people? People who want to go on a cruise?

So Honorable Seer of Fortunes-what gives?? Is it a message that I should forget it and visit Whidbey island instead? Or I need to do some sort of penance before the spirits will permit me to spend a small fortune on plane tickets?

On another note, I might be going on sort-of a date this Saturday with someone I know sort-of. I will be needing to consult with you about the er, issues with this person. People can change, right?

Now you're curious, huh?

Signed, 

NOT A HACKYSACKER, but still, a Geoduck.

Dear Not a Hacky-Sacker,

This is such a ubiquitous problem, my friend.  If Joseph Campbell were alive today he'd be writing a book called, "The Hassle with a Thousand Faces."  I mention Joseph because you're a Greener, and I don't think anyone has gotten out of there without a minor in Joseph Campbell.  For those readers who went to real colleges with grades and stuff, and maybe didn't get the full exposure to Joseph that some of us enjoyed, here's the basic deal, the one plot line that we all live, over and over, from Wikipedia:

A hero [You] ventures forth from the world of common day [your regular life] into a region of supernatural wonder [phone hell]: fabulous forces [crackly music] are there encountered and a decisive victory is won [!!Yay!!]: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man [and woman!].

I think what this means is that although the world is full of miniature and grandiose hassles, you'll return from your mysterious journey, that of being placed on hold with horrible crackly music, with gifts!  To bestow!  To make the world a better place!  I, for one, can hardly wait.  I think you're in the valley of the ashes now, sweetie, but be patient.  

You've come to exactly the right place.  I'm reading your tarot cards right now, and I'm getting something.  (I mean, I'm shuffling.  Yes, that's it, I'm shuffling!)  Now I'm laying out the cards.  OMG!!!!  Something good is coming up!  The cards, they look good!

This is a time of wonder, a time of hope.  A time of new beginnings.  A time of listening to crappy crackly music while on hold.  A time to do alternate nostril breathing.  You remain optimistic in spite of the hassle-y business about the website and the plane tickets and the UK.  But more to the point:  are you going to Stonehenge?  If you do, bring one of those land xray things so you can see all the little bodies down below, sort of a miniature pompeii.

A Date?!!  You must write again.  Because although dating isn't something I participate in, I used to and I do know that where there's dating, there are problems, and where there are problems, there's a need for advice or horoscopes or fortunes.  

Namaste.