Ok, a new year, a new feature. You
write to me with a question, problem, or anything at all. You can write specifics of your situation, your favorite color or fruit, or something that happened to you on the way to the market. Every TUESDAY, I'll respond to one letter with something -- a horoscope, fortune, forecast, tarot reading (as soon as I figure out what tarot really is -- I think it comes in a bag in the snack aisle?), or other. (I like to pretend that I'll be selecting from a vast array of letters, when the fact is that I may have to make something up myself. But that's okay -- I'll do it if I must.)
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The women enjoying their sugar
on a winter's day. (It totally bugs
me when people call the bees "GIRLS".
They're women, people! |
You may wonder what my qualifications are -- can I actually see into the future? Of course! Okay, I have no qualifications at all. But I have these random circumstances that may help me seem semi-believable:
1. I live on top of a major earthquake fault. This leak into the center of the earth allows deep knowledge to flow directly into my kitchen.
2. I keep bees, which some say is a form of witchcraft.
3. A strange little rabbit name Geoffrey has been hanging around my house for years now. This may or may not relate.
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It looks like the lights are on
but they burned out a while back. |
4. Even if your problem is
really dumb, I won't make fun of you, because I have a huge host of dumb problems of my own. For example, I can't figure out how to change the lightbulbs in my motion sensor light. Leading to all manner of joke opportunities -- how many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb, and so on. Apparently more than one.
5. Sure, you can be anonymous if you want.
Think of it as better than a fortune cookie, because you don't have to add "in bed" to the end of it, and you don't have to eat greasy chinese food to get it! Okay, operators are standing by, as they say...
Okay, the other thing is I started a
FB page. I know.
Well, shoot. I'm directed to the email I don't use so I'm gonna email you a different way, gawd, I sound insane. But I have a question right now!!!!
ReplyDeleteYour friend in Jesus
I won't have to be anonymous because my question is about my cats and I've mentioned them ad nauseum, I think, so anyone who has been paying even a bit of attention will see my question and instantly think, "man, I wish jennio would stop talking about those dagnabit cats" ... Will email you soonest.
ReplyDelete