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Showing posts from March, 2013

Horoscopes: The Gum Wall Episode

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Aries (3/21 – 4/19): We have a new attraction in our town, The Gum Wall.  It's not nearly as impressive as the one in Seattle, but it makes me strangely glad each time I walk by these five pieces of gum in the alley.  (I can say, "the alley", because there's only one. Oh, unless you cross the street, which I rarely do.)  Can you even see the gum in that picture?  Every big gum wall starts just like this, I hear.   The other thing about this picture: there's a shadow!  We know what that means, Aries.  The end of the dark times.  Not a moment too soon.  Enjoy.  (And, add some gum if you get a chance.  Wouldn't it be cool if there were six, or even seven pieces by next week?)

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  RIP, Booth Gardner.  I only had one occasion to meet him, and it was all rather awkward.

A friend of mine, who was a major donor to the Audubon Society, invited me and my then-husband on a special field trip that was a treat for the dozen top donors.  I am not those pe…

It's never too late!

Just when I was about to give up hope about the science fair, I got a note from The Linguist:


Betsy,

Are you still accepting entries to the science fair? I don't have anything particularly clever, quirky or adorable, but hopefully I can make up in quantity what I lack in quality. Here are my two proposed experiments:

1. The Effects of Sleep on Vriksasana

It seems to me that the less sleep I get, the wobblier my tree pose is. Is there a connection? Get a bunch of yogis and yoginis and assign them a certain amount of sleep to get on various days. Count how many times their "up" foot hits the floor on those days, and correlate with hours of sleep. Note that it is not good enough to simply survey the yog(in)is regarding how much sleep they got - it could be that those who get less sleep are more or less prone to wobbliness for independent reasons.

2. The Effects of Temperature on Fluid Exchange (Not that kind of fluid exchange).

I was in the bathroom at my office, and the window w…

Time for Pisces

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It's been brought to my attention that the recent Pisces horoscope was really lame.  So were all the other ones, but at least they were longer.  So, my dear Pisces, all three of you, here's your very own long horoscope.

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  I was talking about Daylight Savings Time the other day and mentioned that when my kids were little, I had a rule that once we're on the new time, there will be no mention of the old time.  But as I was explaining this, the young people looked at me like, "Wow, we're so glad you're not our mother."  And I realized that it did sound unnecessarily irritable.  Like, really?  No one was allowed to even mention that we changed the clocks?  I know.  I'm not proud of that.

But I used to find it tiresome, all the: "But it's not really bedtime, because on the old time..." or, "I'm hungry now because yesterday it would have been dinner time," and so on.  I'd go on a rant, "CHILDREN!  We&#…

Horoscopes, The Sinkhole Edition

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Aries (3/21 – 4/19): I know a highly quotable person who says stuff that belongs on tattoos, so you'll see a lot of that here.  I stole this idea from a friend.  I have no creativity myself, but I know people.  Speaking of tattoos, I was in a hottub the other evening when a young military punk offered to show his tattoo.  I said yes.  Of course I did.  So he pulled off his bathing suit to reveal a tattooed ass that wasn't nearly as good as the one to the left.  I think it said "Cash Only".  Anyway, Aries, the point is, if you're going to get a tattoo, don't make it tacky.  Oh, wait, no that's not it.  The point is: just say no when people offer to show a tattoo, at least this week.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  Silicon Valley is in the business of making forgetting extinct through use of the cloud and other technology.   I read that in the NYT, so it must be true.  Meanwhile, they've discovered forgetting receptors in the uterus.  The uterus has a lot to forg…

Hope and Wonder

Does it seem like everyone's tired?  Tired of politics, and wars, and the fakey sequester game, and traffic, and going to crummy places like Target to buy things we we wish we didn't want or need.  We're tired of having no time, and too much e-mail, and too many obligations and we're tired of the corporate bureaucratic hassles.  We're tired of memorizing PIN numbers and passwords, we're tired of advertising plastered everywhere, we're tired of all the papers that come into our homes. They creep in through the mailbox and our kids backpacks and our bags and other places too.  Everywhere you go, people want to give you papers.  Our houses are filled with these papers that we think we'll deal with sometime.  Because it might be important.  I want to throw every single paper in my house out, just to see what happens.  And I'm personally tired of the weird deadlines that I didn't sign up for, like taxes and car tabs and garbage day.  Oh, and this we…