Time Wasting by the Stars


Aries (3/21 – 4/19) Scenario:  you get laid off, and then your former employer calls a few months later and asks you to come back to help with a big backlog because, strangely enough, no one has been doing your job since you left.  Question:  does the woman's body have ways of shutting that whole thing down?  That's my question and your horoscope, Aries.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):   Your week will be super fly, man.  The adjective.  As usual, new challenges, but this one involves using "fly" as an adjective at least 5 times.  Let's see if we can bring that word back.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21):  Sometimes it seems like I'm running a little preschool for just myself.  My days are filled with snack and nap, arts and craft time and outdoor play.  Oh, and a little bit of work.  One astute teen told me that the only discernible difference between me and a preschooler is this blog, but I'd like to offer that I also drive.  I drive myself on little field trips nearly every day.  The point of this, Gemini, is that I need a little more circle time.  See what you can do.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/21:  I have to confess that it was more fun having Sarah Palin in the race last year.  She added a touch of novelty and bizarreness that even Clint Eastwood's chair hasn't topped.  But I think we should try to embrace the freak show that Paul Ryan brings -- shaving an hour off his marathon time, bald-faced lies in front of millions, and so on.  But let's forget about that whole thing and focus on making shoes from scratch.  Then we can try walking a mile in them, possibly at Mount Rainier.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22):  The other day I met with a friend who wants help with his OCD help selling trees that he can't seem to stop growing; he has thousands now, and they're getting big, and it's pretty hard to see the forest for the trees,.  It occurred to me as we were looking around that I'm turning into that person.  You know who I mean?  Not the one who has the steady government job in the cubicle, but the one who does random stuff for money?  But anyway, as we were discussing it, he said, "If you're really confident, you'll pick out the ones with the best form, drag them into town at Christmas time, sit in the parking lot of the Mexican restaurant, and sell them from your truck."  It turns out I'm not that confident, Leo.  But if you see me selling Christmas trees on the corner one day, you'll know that either things have gone terribly wrong or terribly right, you decide.  This week will be like that for you -- wait, does what's happening mean things are going wrong, or right?  Assume everything is going splendidly as much as possible.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  One of my time-wasting things is looking at websites that illustrate the giant floating mass of debris from the tsunami that's washing up on our shores.  I'm not going to make it too easy for you to do this yourself by putting a link, because I care about you.  The websites that photograph the individual objects, well I think way too much about them.  Where did they come from?  Was there medicine in that bottle?  Is the person who owned that still alive?Virgo, don't do that.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22):  Another time-waster that I cherish is reading the "missed connections" section of Craig's List.  The part that fascinates me, besides all of it, is this:  when men post, it's truly a random, "wow, I saw you on the bus, you were hot, write to me!" type thing.  When women post, it's more of a, "Charlie, I know, I've never said this out loud before, and I don't know if you read this, but I really love you and I'd never say that with my actual mouth in front of you."  The women write to people they know, and the men write to random people they hope to know sleep with in the future.  I want to hunt these people down and find out how it all turns out, but it turns out that this is CL, not a book.  Let it go, Libra.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  So many ways to waste time, Scorpio.  I hope I don't seem too creepy, but here's another:  When someone I don't know comments on a friend's FaceBook status, I like to look at that person's friend list, select the "people you might know", and then click on someone from that list who I don't know, and look at their list of people I might know, and so on, until I find a weird connection.  I don't know why that makes me so happy, but the world seems a little smaller and better that way.  Your world will be like that this week, Scorpio.  A little smaller and better.

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21):  Speaking of that, the feature I wish they had on Facebook is, is "People you may have caught your cold from".  I don't want that information in order to be annoyed, but rather, I'm jusut interested in how disease travels.  Is this the cold that R. got in a mosh pit, or did I get it when I drank from C's water bottle, or was it somewhere else?  And is this the one that clears up in a few days, or the one that spirals into the hideous vomiting thing?  Anyway, FB, if you're listening, see if you can get people to post the instant they feel symptoms, and then add that search feature, would you? Oh, and Sag, your horoscope?  Keep being charming, the way you always are.

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19):  We're nearing the end here, and I think I should make it sound more like a normal horoscope before everyone completely gives up.  So here, Capricorn:  with the Morning Star, Venus, showing up to the left of the sketchy moon, your day will be a little left of normal.  Drink more juice, smoke less weed, and beware of the undertow.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18):  Here's a time waster, if you haven't gotten enough ideas:  check out the electricity usage on Bainbridge Island.  Because life is short.  It's pretty interesting, if you watch it for long enough.  Not unlike birdwatching, in fact, without the birds.

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  Our sweet little town got a new library a few weeks ago, and it's really lovely, and I spend much time there these days, so if you're looking for me, Pisces, I'm usually in that orange chair in the back room.  And, not that I'm paranoid or anything, but Homeland Security also visited my work website, but they got there from my Linked In account.  Does that seem a little freaky?  Anyway, Homeland People, if you have business with me, come find me in that orange chair.

Comments

  1. Even though I'm a Taurus, I actually HAVE made my own shoes. When I was a kid. They were flip flops with wooden soles and thick twine straps. I actually wore them a lot the summer I made them. They were pretty fly. But I don't think I could've walked a mile in them.

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  2. I think we know that a woman's body does not have a way of shutting that whole thing down.
    More circle time!
    :-)

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  3. What was in that bottle?
    Never looked at Craigs List myself. Sounds creepy.

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  4. Wow. I'm glad you didn't give me that link for tsunami detritus. I'd be looking for hours. Thanks for that.
    I'm glad you have the orange chair in the back of the new library. Orange suits you.

    I was incredibly curious what Homeland Security hopes to gain from reading our lady blogs, and I went googling that. Here's what I learned:

    DHS/OPS/PIA-004(d) - Publicly Available Social Media Monitoring and Situational Awareness Initiative Update

    DHS/OPS/PIA-004(d) Publicly Available Social Media Monitoring and Situational Awareness Initiative Update January 6, 2011 (PDF, 23 pages – 318 KB) The Office of Operations Coordination and Planning (OPS), National Operations Center (NOC), will launch and lead the Publicly Available Social Media Monitoring and Situational Awareness (Initiative) to assist the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and its components involved in fulfilling OPS statutory responsibility (Section 515 of the Homeland Security Act (6 U.S.C. § 321d(b)(1)) to provide situational awareness and establish a common operating picture for the federal government, and for those state, local, and tribal governments, as appropriate. The NOC and participating components may also share this de-identified information with international partners and the private sector where necessary and appropriate for coordination. While this Initiative is not designed to actively collect Personally Identifiable Information (PII), OPS is conducting this update to the Privacy Impact Assessment (PIA) because this initiative may now collect and disseminate PII for certain narrowly tailored categories. After conducting the Second Privacy Compliance Review, it was determined that this PIA should be updated to allow for the collection and dissemination of PII in a limited number of situations in order to respond to the evolving operational needs of the NOC. This slight modification is the purpose of this update. This PIA will continue to be reviewed every six months to ensure compliance. This will be done in conjunction with a Privacy Office-led Privacy Compliance Review (PCR) of the Initiative and of OPS social media monitoring Internet-based platforms and information technology infrastructure.


    You speak Government, do you have any idea what they are saying? It sounds awfully important, and yet, half my brain keeps thinking they have better uses for their time.
    But what do I know? I'm just a mom/nature blogger who just picked up a new reader from Poland, whose blog translates into something I can understand way better than the HLS memo. Plus they post pictures of their bike rides and Poland looks pretty neat. It's a fascinating world out there.

    Loved reading your horoscopes, as always.

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    1. Oh, I tried and tried to read that, but my skills have gone soft after a few months away from it all. You should definitely find yourself a chair somewhere that you claim as your own. I highly recommend it!

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    2. I think that looking up the tsunami debris might be a good way to start thinking about what to be for Halloween...irradiated tennis shoe? Swirling plastic bits in the middle of the ocean? My creativity only goes this far, and maybe google can get the rest?

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  5. I'm taking your advice. Everything will go splendidly.

    The Leo

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  6. I do love your horoscopes :) By the end I always feel lighter, and think the week might actually not be so bad after all. Thanks for that.

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    1. Yay. I hope you week is going excellently. (Is that a word?)

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  7. Well, I just noticed (in the last photo - the one with the bright, light, blue float, with "Tsunami debris, Ekkatsu expedition" written on it) that there is a human figure hiding behind the broken branch, and right next to the float. A very tiny human figure, maybe dressed in a knight's armor. Look closely, then - back away slowly.


    Thanks

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    1. Now that's some careful observation! I hope that person doesn't emerge from the portal.

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  8. really? Homeland Security too? Do you think Michelle sent them after she checked in and read your post? But what I wanted to talk about was, the last time I was at the ocean I kept picking up all the little styrofoam beads on the beach and wondering what they were once part of,some Japanese person's wall insulation? whose insulation? are they still alive?? so no,I don't think you are weird, no not at all

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