Time Wasting by the Stars
Aries (3/21 – 4/19): Scenario: you get laid off, and then your former employer calls a few months later and asks you to come back to help with a big backlog because, strangely enough, no one has been doing your job since you left. Question: does the woman's body have ways of shutting that whole thing down? That's my question and your horoscope, Aries.
Taurus (4/20 – 5/20): Your week will be super fly, man. The adjective. As usual, new challenges, but this one involves using "fly" as an adjective at least 5 times. Let's see if we can bring that word back.
Gemini (5/21 – 6/21): Sometimes it seems like I'm running a little preschool for just myself. My days are filled with snack and nap, arts and craft time and outdoor play. Oh, and a little bit of work. One astute teen told me that the only discernible difference between me and a preschooler is this blog, but I'd like to offer that I also drive. I drive myself on little field trips nearly every day. The point of this, Gemini, is that I need a little more circle time. See what you can do.
Cancer 6/22 – 7/21: I have to confess that it was more fun having Sarah Palin in the race last year. She added a touch of novelty and bizarreness that even Clint Eastwood's chair hasn't topped. But I think we should try to embrace the freak show that Paul Ryan brings -- shaving an hour off his marathon time, bald-faced lies in front of millions, and so on. But let's forget about that whole thing and focus on making shoes from scratch. Then we can try walking a mile in them, possibly at Mount Rainier.
Leo (7/23 – 8/22): The other day I met with a friend who wants
Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21): So many ways to waste time, Scorpio. I hope I don't seem too creepy, but here's another: When someone I don't know comments on a friend's FaceBook status, I like to look at that person's friend list, select the "people you might know", and then click on someone from that list who I don't know, and look at their list of people I might know, and so on, until I find a weird connection. I don't know why that makes me so happy, but the world seems a little smaller and better that way. Your world will be like that this week, Scorpio. A little smaller and better.
Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): Speaking of that, the feature I wish they had on Facebook is, is "People you may have caught your cold from". I don't want that information in order to be annoyed, but rather, I'm jusut interested in how disease travels. Is this the cold that R. got in a mosh pit, or did I get it when I drank from C's water bottle, or was it somewhere else? And is this the one that clears up in a few days, or the one that spirals into the hideous vomiting thing? Anyway, FB, if you're listening, see if you can get people to post the instant they feel symptoms, and then add that search feature, would you? Oh, and Sag, your horoscope? Keep being charming, the way you always are.
Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18): Here's a time waster, if you haven't gotten enough ideas: check out the electricity usage on Bainbridge Island. Because life is short. It's pretty interesting, if you watch it for long enough. Not unlike birdwatching, in fact, without the birds.
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Our sweet little town got a new library a few weeks ago, and it's really lovely, and I spend much time there these days, so if you're looking for me, Pisces, I'm usually in that orange chair in the back room. And, not that I'm paranoid or anything, but Homeland Security also visited my work website, but they got there from my Linked In account. Does that seem a little freaky? Anyway, Homeland People, if you have business with me, come find me in that orange chair.