Who's got the bacon?

Besides the recycling bins, the other thing on my mind is Other Ways to Make Money.

Alas, I still need to bring home actual bacon for R., who would eat that stuff every day if he could.  

I started with the “do what you love and the money will follow” theory, so I made a list of what I love:

Chocolate cake.  Especially if it has many layers and one of them contains raspberry sauce.  Its hard to see where the money is here, but I guess I could start eating it more often and just see what happens.

Stories.  I love stories as much as I love my opposable thumb, particularly if they’re true, and even more so if I’m lying in bed and someone is telling the story to me, which is why I’m so grateful for all the excellent podcasts these days.  Again, it’s a little hard to see who would pay me for that though.    I think if there was money to be made here, I'd already be rich.  But if you see this ad, please contact me:
WANTED:  SOMEONE WHO WILL LAY AROUND AND LISTEN TO INTERESTING STORIES.  MUST PROVIDE OWN PILLOW AND BLANKET.
My list is much longer, but it seems like “do what you love and the money will follow” only works if what you love is investment banking, surgery, or inventing the iPod, so I decided I should generate a list of possible jobs that I wouldn't have to love, but maybe the job and I would like each other well enough to keep it going.  Here it is:

  1. Dog walker.  This would be a chance to get outside, get exercise, and so on.  I do like dogs, but I’m not very excited about carrying the plastic bag and all that's involved there.  And, I’m afraid that the kind of dog who has to hire someone like me might not be in the best spirits.  I’m also not sure if dogs pay very well, and they would definitely want to keep the bacon for themselves.
  2. Tarot card reader.  This seems hard because of all the cards.  But, all the job hunting gurus talk about "transferrable skills".  For example, maybe you've never cooked before, but you've been involved in the restaurant industry, and by that, you mean you eat lunch out every day because you're too lazy to make a sandwich.  I think I’ve built up skills in the astrology arena that could be used in developing a Tarot card reading resume.  I think those people are anti-bacon, though.
  3. Dancing outside of a business dressed as a chicken or a cow.  I’d get to listen to my iPod all day and dance, so this might be worth looking into.  I may need help making a chicken costume though, if you aren't busy.  
  4. Write sayings for bottle caps. The words on the inside of the bottle cap are so often disappointing that I believe there’s a need for this.  I almost gave up on the idea, because when it comes down to it, what would I write?  But I hang out with some very smart funny people, and decided I could just listen and steal little phrases.  So I went to a party the other night, and I wasn’t there for long before Dr. D. said, “And the magic takes over.”  Score.  Imagine if you got that message when you opened a beer!  So I found a napkin and a pencil and wrote it down.  (Sadly, no one seemed to think it was odd that I was taking notes on the napkin at the party.  I know.)  Someone else said something good, too, and I wrote it down on the napkin.  And then someone, and it could have been me, spilled beer on the table, and I used that very napkin to wipe it up, which was pretty sad.  All their ideas, soggy.  But everyone was kind enough to come up with a few more, which, if you promise not to steal these (again), I’ll share here:
"Huh?”
    "That’s a little business in the front for me"
    "She was clapping on the one and the three like white people do."
    "Some like it luke warm"
    And, my personal favorite:  "He was kind of aggressive and my parents didn’t like him, so we ate him."

    Anyway, this is me networking.  Tomorrow, with any luck, we'll all learn one way or another if we have jobs.

    Comments

    1. Replies
      1. Thanks A. I think I've been laid off, but due to the complicated bumping rules, it will take a few more days to know for sure.

        Delete
      2. Ah Jeez... I was really hoping that would not be the case. I'm sorry.

        Delete
    2. Great blog. Love this idea......

      However, I can tell you from personal experience that one can also starve while doing a job you love.........

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Thanks Lo. I should probably copy your money making strategy -- it sounds more lucrative than anything I've come up with.

        Delete
    3. I would like to appreciate your hard work you did write this post .Tarot horoscope can help you to know about future. Tarot horoscope may be doing good work for you to know about your love, health, education and business.

      ReplyDelete
    4. What about baking? You're already up at the proper time and you could do "cake or death?" any time you felt like it.

      ReplyDelete
    5. Too bad one can't make money (enough to survive) while blogging. You are really good at it.

      I am hoping your job is spared....
      it's tough out there....

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Yeah, now wouldn't that be fun. I would so love to have a job as a blogger.

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    6. I finally found the job I love and I'm doing it. It's called retirement. I'm really good at it. No raises though and I've had to give up bacon. In all seriousness I hope you do find a job you love. It's not easy "out there".

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Thanks Delores! Retirement does sound like a good job.

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    7. Please tell me that last bottle cap was about a chicken or a fish?!??
      "He was kind of aggressive and my parents didn’t like him, so we ate him."
      If you want a cheshire cat costume let me know. I already have most of it anyway.

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Yes, it was a rooster! I may need the cat costume. Let me look into my options. I think I might look better in a gorilla suit, but desperate times...

        Delete
    8. I think you should syndicate your horoscopes. Oh, no...I forgot: all the newspapers are going out of business because nobody reads any more. (This was supposed to cheer you up. I guess I need a little more sunshine.) Tell you what: send R to me, and I'll break him of the bacon habit. That might work.

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Why Mike, that was a cheery little thought. For a second. R. would surely love to come see you guys, especially if you had bacon. . .

        Delete
    9. Oh, Betsy. I was part of the quote-making group and I still laughed so hard reading this I cried. Maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe you're one of the funniest people I know.

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. I'm not sure if it's good if you're tired and crying or not. But I'll just say thanks. :-)
        May you get some rest.

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    10. You ARE the funniest person we all know and i believe that while you are walking the dogs,the cakes will cool on your kitchen counter and the bottle cap idea will become your destiny...i see it in the Tarot cards

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Oh, thank you Meg. It looks like I might need to apprentice under you for the Tarot card business. . .

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    11. Bets, seriously, you could make and sell little chocolate "gift" cakes with stories for each sub-flavor (or fortunes) to go along with them!?!? (made a Mexican chocolate cake yesterday ... really good!)

      But, if you decide to do the chicken or cow thing, please post photos.

      Above all keep writing! Providing laughter is one of the greatest gifts!

      ReplyDelete
      Replies
      1. Laur, that is a brilliant idea! I would love to make little cakes with stories.

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