What about it, Khortnee, should I start a blog?

Dear N'3lvra,

Someone recently suggested that I start writing a blog, after I mentioned a temptation to write an essay about a topic we were discussing on Facebook.  Since you, Khortnee, have an acquaintance with an insanely popular and wildly funny blog, I immediately knew to seek your advice.  Not whether to write a blog - I already know I have less than no time for it, it will not help me focus on What I Need To Focus On, and it will just be One More Thing - no, I just want to know if I hypothetically started writing one, what should I name it?

Signed,
Gemini

Dear Gemini (Mind if I call you GeGe?),

I’m glad you wrote, because I wholeheartedly agree that you should NOT start a blog.  Having a blog is like having a dog, without the part where the happy animal runs to greet you when you get home, tail wagging, behaving as if the best moment in his life has just arrived, and you are that moment.  

 No, a blog is the kind of dog that stares at you when you’re napping on the couch, giving you a look that says, “I still love you, but man, you’re lame.  You should totally put your shoes on and take me for a walk.  I’m unconditional with you, Person, but sheesh, you are one lazy suck.”  That’s the kind of look a blog gives you all the time.  But it doesn’t want you to put on shoes and go for a walk, which would be fairly easy. It wants you to write something that’s true and funny and happened within the past day or two, and then present it in a way that couldn’t possibly hurt anyone’s feelings or be construed as mean-spirited or get you fired.  That’s the kind of dog it is.

And when you hang out with friends or family and something interesting happens, they say, “This better not show up on your blog.”  And you say "of course it wouldn’t, why would you even say that?"  But secretly, you’re thinking, damn, what a waste of good material.  And you're not exactly proud of that.  No, you're not.

Labradoodle.  Get one of those.

But back to your question:  the name I’ve chosen for the blog you won’t start is "Shades of Read".  I guess I thought of that name, GeGe, because I have another friend (coincidentally named JayJay – I know, small world), who has a band named Shades of Red. It’s a good name, but a better band, and it proves my point. 

 You see, JayJay doesn’t have a blog, because he’s the kind of guy who’s a great dad, and a devoted husband, and a good friend, and works at a job he can’t stand in order to support the people he loves, but he still makes time to create new and beautiful music.  His job even requires that he go to New Jersey sometimes, and I am not making that up.  But he’s busy living the point that being a decent, talented man who cares about the world and cares about people doesn't preclude the possibility of creating music that people want to listen to.  You don’t have to be vomiting in the hotel lobby or breaking chairs or treating women like objects in order to be a rock star.  Or at least that’s how it would go down if the world were the fair and just place that we all long for.  But see, this guy JayJay has to focus and not get distracted by every shiny idea that comes long, like starting a blog.   Follow his example, GeGe.

By the way, you should check out his CD, and not just because it’s got a whole song about N’3lvra on there. You should check it out because you’ll probably like it.  And if you think the world is, or should be, a fair and just place, a place where good people can make a living through their art, you should probably buy it.  What's the downside, GeGe?