Resolutions, revolutions

I get a text from R on NYE:  “Can I have some kids over for a sleepover?”

“Sure.”

“Sure, as in okay, or sure as in Ab-so-lutely?”

“Ab-so-effin-lutely”

“Whoa, Mom.  Calm down.  You got a resolution?"

“Yes.  To be more accepting and forgiving of my loved ones.”

“Mine is to try to do something you can’t forgive or accept. HA HA HA”

Our text conversation ends there, but it made me start thinking about resolutions.  I asked around the workplace yesterday, and almost no one had one.

The boss came in to see if we won the lotto (we didn’t), and I asked him.

“No, I don’t really do that.”

"B?  How ‘bout you?"

"Nope."

“Hey, boss, can I assign NY resolutions?  ”  Sadly, he walked away without answering, but B. asks what his would be.

“I’d like to suggest that you focus on not drunk-dialing your girlfriend.”

“That’s not a bad idea.  I might actually work on that.”

Out of about 30 people I asked, no one had a resolution.  I even asked the Great Sandini, who gave me that look, like, what exactly are you supposed to be doing, and then just answered, ‘nope’.

“Great One, I’ve noticed that no one here makes them.”

He gave that smirk, said, “explaining why we all still work here”, and walked off.

A little while later, my phone rang, and I answered, “Hello, this is Betsy.”

Hello, this is ____ common man’s name.”

I vaguely recognized the voice, but couldn't quite place it.

“Is there a burn ban?”

I recognize the voice now, and it’s a division director, who is also the fire marshall.  I can’t quite figure out why he’s calling me on this, but I say, “Yes, there’s a stage 2 burn ban.  No burning unless it’s your only source of heat.”

“Wait, is this Betsy?”

I think it’s strange that we’re back at the beginning already, but I start over like a robot. “Hi, this is Betsy.”

“Wait, why do you know about the burn ban? I guess I called the wrong number."

He hung up before I could ask his resolution, or more importantly, why the fire marshall calls me to find out about the burn ban, which I'm pretty sure is his to announce, but I just want to say that I think I make a damn good wrong number, which, if it didn’t look like I was showing off, I might actually have as a second resolution.