Things that make me laugh

Things that make me laugh.

I was going to create a post with a list, the kind you see all over the blogosphere, because it seems like a harmless topic that won’t be used against me in court or anything. So I started:

Using PowerPoint recreationally. It cracks me up to use the most business-y, joyless software of all the whole Office Suite for pure recreation. I know, I'm alone in this, but sometimes I start thinking about it and can't stop laughing.

The word “pants”. It’s such a funny word that you can’t really hear it and not laugh. That was confirmed when a coworker responded to a report that someone was clearing large trees in a wetland. He knocked at the door, no one answered, he slipped his business card in the door, and walked back towards his car. But a guy started yelling at him from a second story window, and then came to the door, naked, holding a shotgun, aiming it at County Guy, swearing. I know, this sounds like Deliverance, but it happened in Redmond, in the fancy part with huge houses built in the 90’s. Pantsless guy with gun was in a Lexington custom home.

So County Guy left, reported it to his supervisor, blah di blah blah. Eventually, Naked Guy was arraigned, and he got off, but was pissed and called his Council-person, who’s my council person too, and, not to mention any names, but you know who we’re talking about. ‘Nuf said, as they say.

Said council person calls our boss and says, “Yeah, your people need to be more sensitive to the rural culture. People move out to the country because they don’t always want to wear pants. And, if they’ve been cleaning their gun when the doorbell rings, they might still be carrying it when they answer the door.” The part that’s not funny is the irritating whipping-post fatigue that I have, like, wait, some naked guy who’s devastated his wetland, threatens County Guy with a deadly weapon and an angry tirade is in the right, and County Guy, who was just doing his stupid job, is the one who needs sensitivity training?

But the part that remains funny, even all these years later, is just the word, “pants”. For a while, I tried to suggest that I don’t need to wear pants to work because they should be sensitive to my unique rural needs, but I decided not to push that one. In the category of “be careful what you wish for.”

The phrase, “That’s the way I roll.” I don’t think I have to explain that.  If that phrase were wearing sunglasses, they’d be Vuarnets. Yeah, like that.

Anyway, all I could think of were those three things, which wasn't the long list I had in mind, so I asked R.

“What makes me laugh again? I forgot.”

“Um, you usually laugh when I make fun of you.” He says this as he tosses me a York peppermint patty. “Like that. I toss a candy at you, it hits your hand, you flinch but don’t catch it, I make fun of you, and you laugh.”

“Hmmm. What else?”

“What’s this for, anyway, Mom?”

“My blog. I thought it would be a good post.”

“What’ve you got so far?”

“Using Powerpoint recreationally, the word ‘pants’, and the phrase, ‘that’s the way I roll’.“

“Wow. That’s the lamest post ever. Those things aren’t even funny. Seriously, that’s all you’ve got?”

“Yep.”