Garden of Allah

So, just a brief re-visit of this story.  Ms. Pasta and I went to court, she wearing what she calls “her uniform”, which is black yoga pants, black tunic, and elegant scarf, not the nose-blowing type of scarf.  The kind of outfit that if you’re her, you look lovely in.  Me, I wore a skirt from Value Village, shirt, sensible shoes and, in a bold move, no scarf.  Who needs a scarf?   (You may wonder why I’m describing the outfits.  As you know, when women do anything, it always starts with a description of the clothes.)

I endured 3 hours of questioning, about like this:

Lawyer:  Do you find, in general, that when people are upset, it’s because someone provoked them?

Me:  Um, could you clarify the question, please?

Lawyer:  Well, if someone is ever upset, do you ever find that there’s a reason for that?

Me:  Um, I guess so. 

Lawyer:  Are you and Ms. Pasta friends?

Me:  Um, I guess so.

Lawyer:  Are you aware of the RCW.blah.blah.blah, that covers the way insurance claims are handled in this state?

Me:  No.

Lawyer:  Are you sure you’re unfamiliar with that?

Me:  That is correct.

Lawyer:  Are you familiar with the underlying state code that gives jurisdictions the authority to collect fees?

Me:  Um, no.

Lawyer:  Are you certain that you’re unfamiliar with this state code?

Me:  That is correct.

And on and on it went, with me basically giving new meaning to the term, “expert witness”.  I wanted to say, hey, could you ask me to identify plants or about the code I actually deal with?  That’s really all I know, and to be honest, that’s slipping too.  I’ve got nothing. Can we just stop?

Of all the great parts, I think my favorite was when I requested a break after two and a half hours.  After trying to talk me out of it (“we’re just about done.”  “I would like a break, please, anyway,") they consented.  When I arrived back in the room, I found it empty except for the attorney who’d been questioning me, who said, “Wow, that’s a really cute water bottle!”  I know.  I believe I was still under oath at the time, so I didn't reply.