Dreams for the New Year

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  Do you suppose that dreams try to interpret the humans?  Like, the dreams  hang out together during the day, saying, "wow, I had the weirdest human last night..."  Pisces, don't be that guy.  Be the best human, the ones the dreams long for.  Be the flying, if you know what I mean.

Aries (3/21 - 4/19):  Perhaps I've been thinking about dreams a lot because I sleep so much.  I kind of want a fit bit, not to track the 10,000 steps, but for the sleep thing.  I think we split off from the bears evolutionarily about 125 million years ago, but the deep instinct to hibernate remains in our cellular memory.  Embrace your inner ursine, Aries.  Take a nap!

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  The other thing I've been wondering about is this:  where do dreams go if there aren't enough people sleeping?  Is dream unemployment high when everyone's all crazy, "I only need 3 hours of sleep a night!"  I think about that each morning, because lately, I dream so much.  Every single night, dream dream dream, drea-ea-ea-eam.  (do you have the song solidly  stuck in your head now?  I'm sorry.)  Are the dreams hanging around, waiting for a sleeping human, but, due to some people who aren't pulling their weight, I have to carry the burden of hosting more than my share of dreams?   No one can  call me a slacker, Taurus.  Do your part.  Put your head on a pillow and create a spot for a headless dream.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): Someone asked me recently if I had cats.  Of course, as you know, I get asked that a lot, and I'm able to respond, "No, but I have a blog called 'What makes you think I have cats.'"  Which, might make me sound a tiny bit witty, as if I made that up on the spot, but  it's more like a Forrest Gump thing.  At any rate, Gemini, no one has ever answered the question.  Just give it to me straight, Gemini.  Not just a cat, but lots of them? 

Cancer (6/22 – 7/21): I went to the carwash yesterday.  Since I mention it here Every Single Time I go, you know just how dirty my car is.  I discuss it because I love the whole thing so very very much --  the scrub brush, the wand with the different settings, the little cubicle that you work in, and most of all, the special currency.  I know, I've talked about this before, but I still can't get over it.  Special coins for carwashing.  It's so ballsy to do that, as if you're a country.  And I wish there were separate currency for every thing we ever did.  Think of it.  When life gets boring, Cancer, just make it a little tiny bit harder.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22):  It's that time of year, when we gather to write.  Join us, Leo (and others!)  Just a few spots left.  This will be a fun, nourishing way to spend the dark times and feed your creative soul.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  I'm sitting in the coffee shop, doing my job (one of my jobs, anyway), which is "stalker researcher".  My duty is to listen to the conversations going on around me, google what is being discussed, and chime in with new information.  First question today:  what are bobtails, and why do they ring?  Virgo, they ring because they're shortened horses tails, and when they pull the sleigh, jingle jingle happens.  

Libra (9/23 – 10/22):  The next bit of workload arrived when people started talking about Bruno Bettelheim, and his theories on why children like to hear the same story again and again.  I did my assigned work, and learned that Bruno Bettelheim was a psychotic savant who arrived in the USA a penniless refugee and had no qualifications whatsoever in psychiatry or psychotherapy he was appointed the Director of the University of Chicago’s Orthogenic School for disturbed children.  The most interesting part of the whole thing is that when I shared this with the others at the coffee shop, the woman who initially mentioned Bettelheim was all, "yeah, whatever about the psychotic thing.  Does it explain his theories about reading books over and over?"  Right?  Libra, this is a volunteer job, but if you must pay, you'll need some special tokens.  Your money is no good here.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  Will we ever learn what happened to the Lost Colony of Roanoke?  I hope so.  But so far, no DNA relatives have turned up.  I guess in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but the world is ever-so-slightly better now that we suspect that Amelia Earhart lived on an island for a little while.  Scorp, you don't have to live on an island to make the world better.  Just show up on this island!

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): I listened to a podcast yesterday about Sarah Sole, who had one romantic/ sexual dream about Hillary Clinton that changed her life.  She spent years painting her and having an imaginary relationship with Hillary, which she says enhanced her life immeasurably, and prepared her for other positive relationships.  Right?  Back to dreaming again, Sag.  Dream big this year!

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19):  We will shortly have a new president with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  I know other people with this -- people who cheat on their partners, and lie to their loved ones. The things to remember about the NPD's are: they can't help it, and they will never change.  Protect yourself accordingly.  Here are some tips.  

Aquarius (1/20-2/18):  The San Francisco Night Ministry has been offering compassionate listening in the streets of the Tenderloin for 52 years, every single night, walking around all night, talking the terror away.  Aquarius, be that.  You don't have to be a priest, or even nocturnal.  Just help your people be less afraid.   Here's the thing, Aquarius:  I looked into a dream interpretation class online, because why not?  And there are only about 2 million to choose from.  But I think we could just do that, right?  Here's what your dream means, since you're wondering:  You're going through a transition of sorts.  It may be bold, it may be subtle; that will reveal itself in due time.  And you are afraid of losing control, but also, eager to let go and shed the old you.  The interplay between these forces is what causes you to wake up and jump back into the rat race every damn day.  (Did I get it right?  If so, please send money.)