Riley has modified the “This is dinner” speech that I used to give into a plea to vote for Hilary. The speech, which I didn't write, went something like, “THIS is dinner. Someone who loves you very much has prepared this meal with your nourishment in mind. It may not be your first choice, but this is what we’re having tonight. If you don’t like it, you may politely excuse yourself and make a sandwich. But please don’t sit here and complain or whine, because that is unproductive, and THIS IS DINNER." For a while, maybe a decade, I think I said it every night. (Well, I said it for the first few years, and then I assigned someone else. "Hey, kids, who wants to recite This Is Dinner tonight?")
His much-improved version goes something like this:
"THIS is dinner. The options are lima beans, or raw goat's heart soaked in castor oil. You can choose the lima beans, or you can be force fed the goats heart soaked in castor oil. Not voting or voting for a third-party candidate is the same as being force fed the goats hearts soaked in castor oil. If that appeals to you more than lima beans, by all means, don’t vote, or vote for Jill Stein. But these are your choices, because THIS IS DINNER."
I’m grateful that he’s repurposed a family speech, which has been languishing for years. Which brings us to our new game!
What’s your most used parenting speech? Share it here, and we’ll see what we can do with it. Reduce, reuse, recycle!
You asked me a question, I gave you my answer, my answer was no. Ha! Thanks for the memory! ~Janet
ReplyDeleteHa! I remember having that conversation a million times.... :-)
DeleteUpon getting complaints about dinner: You need to have three thank you bites. Thank you mom for making dinner.
ReplyDeleteHa! Yes, that's a good one.
DeleteNot being a parent I can only talk to the animals or plants. The women don't listen, so why bother. So to the plants or animals I say, "you can be replaced, you know," rather than coddle them and be a slave to their every whim. Well, I don't actually say it, I just think it while I cater to their every whim.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Have you ever read the Botany of Desire? the apple, the tulip, marijuana, and the potato. That's all we need. Who needs to talk?
DeleteDon't throw rocks.
ReplyDeleteAnd then our 12-year-old did just that in the school parking lot to get it "out of play" when his friend was bugging him, and that rock, in that untrained throw, went directly through a teacher's windshield.
I also used the "don't play with pointy sticks" a lot, but fortunately no one ever poked anyone else's eyes out.
I love your speech; it is kind and full of empathy. And I think you have a very smart son, which does not surprise me at all. His take on your speech is excellent.
Don't throw rocks. Short, simple, good advice.
DeleteHmm, this game is turning out to be harder than I thought! I'm not sure what I'll do with these parental speeches...
I feel so bad. I finally got caught up with yr blog. I have languished and my hot tub turned into a swamp. No, it really did. It was full of green slime.
ReplyDeleteI feel shame. I won't let it happen again. Honest.
I think I've been stunned into silence by the Trump/Hillary shenanigans. I've been contemplating a move to New Zealand or Canada or the Arctic Circle before it melts entirely. Humans are mad. And I don't understand them/us anymore. I prefer polar bears. You're free to join me.
~B
My 'famous' parent speech was, " I don't know EXACTLY what you are doing and I know you think you are getting away with something. Be aware that I know you are both up to no good even though you haven't gotten caught".
ReplyDeleteThe other one was with an open Grey's Anatomy book with a lovely line drawing of a vagina/vulva/perineum. I explained where all the salient landmarks were and after I was done, Maya, my older child, announced, apropos of nothing, "I can feature having intercourse but oral sex is disgusting".
So there you have it.
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ReplyDelete