It's all about the plot

Yes, that is blood
Dear Khourt-knee,

I'm struggling to write an overview of a book that's actually about my life.  It's hard for me to know what to include and how to make it into a compelling book, because a lot of it is, well just my own dumb life.  I want to make sure there's a narrative arc, but I'm not sure my life has one.  Can't I just be myself?  Please advise.

A reader and struggling writer

Dear Reader,

Thank you for spelling my name that way.  It's all about the knee.  

No, it's actually not all about the knee.  If it were about a joint, my friend, it would be the scapul0costal joint, because it makes us so birdlike, and I mean that in the most grounded way possible.  (Have I mentioned that I always pick invisibility, never flying? And on those occasions that I'm forced to fly I regret it and hate myself for the betrayal of leaving the earth, climbing into a horrible germ-infested aluminum can, and breathing, deep filthy breaths, just to keep myself from screaming the whole way, "WE'RE GONNA DIE!")

Oh, what was the question again?  Plot.  Yeah, I know.  My life, too, is a series of random incidents, some lovely, some not so much, that lack a unifying theme or compelling narrative arc.  But let's just try.  Because that's what we do.  We try, because what's the alternative?  Waiting to die?

There are, as we know, two plots, one for girls, and one for boys, and I've put together a handy guide just for you!   

Try not to be bitter, my friend, because these are just the reverse of the same plot.  And, going on a journey, especially one where you're crammed into an airplane, participating in deep germy breathing isn't all it's cracked up to be. 

Now that you have your plot, just put it together.  Find the key points and the metaphors that make your story really sing.  Be sure to stoke the suspense by metering out the details and pacing things for maximum effect.  Don't add anything extra or you'll drive away your reader, but don't omit important details or your reader will become disheartened.   It's as easy as pie!  Let me know when you've got it wrapped up.

This may turn out to be part one in a series. 

At any rate, it was great to hear from you.

Your always, 
N'3lvra, pronounced Kort-nee, the three is silent


  1. Pie's not easy. (Remember?) Oh, it's simple enough when nobody cares how it turns out, like when ... well, actually I can't think of any time nobody cares about pie ... but it's a thousand times harder when you really want to impress people or feed your gathered family or contribute it to a bake sale. Then the damn pie just won't go together right. I think it senses a person's anxiety.

    I do hope there is more to this series, though.

  2. And yes I KNOW you meant "easy as pie" to be "hard as pie". But I got off on my own pie tangent, because I'm already anxious about pie for Christmas. Which is kind of funny, because I've bought store pies for the last three years.

    1. Oh, I know. Falling off a log is easy. Pie, not so much. But so much more worthwhile than the log thing. Is it wrong to buy crust? I think that's a thing that people do. Good luck with it, however it goes...

  3. Waiting to die. Well, yeah. You're born, you live, and you die. Everything else is just filler. Or, like you pie people, filling.

  4. I'm gonna get right on this. Thanks for the diagram and handy tips.

    PS-My pie making is totally arbitrary, unlike my friend James, whose pies always come out perfect. I hate him.


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