Tuesday, November 17, 2015

It's all about the plot

Yes, that is blood
Dear Khourt-knee,

I'm struggling to write an overview of a book that's actually about my life.  It's hard for me to know what to include and how to make it into a compelling book, because a lot of it is, well just my own dumb life.  I want to make sure there's a narrative arc, but I'm not sure my life has one.  Can't I just be myself?  Please advise.

Signed,
A reader and struggling writer


Dear Reader,

Thank you for spelling my name that way.  It's all about the knee.  

No, it's actually not all about the knee.  If it were about a joint, my friend, it would be the scapul0costal joint, because it makes us so birdlike, and I mean that in the most grounded way possible.  (Have I mentioned that I always pick invisibility, never flying? And on those occasions that I'm forced to fly I regret it and hate myself for the betrayal of leaving the earth, climbing into a horrible germ-infested aluminum can, and breathing, deep filthy breaths, just to keep myself from screaming the whole way, "WE'RE GONNA DIE!")

Oh, what was the question again?  Plot.  Yeah, I know.  My life, too, is a series of random incidents, some lovely, some not so much, that lack a unifying theme or compelling narrative arc.  But let's just try.  Because that's what we do.  We try, because what's the alternative?  Waiting to die?

There are, as we know, two plots, one for girls, and one for boys, and I've put together a handy guide just for you!   

Try not to be bitter, my friend, because these are just the reverse of the same plot.  And, going on a journey, especially one where you're crammed into an airplane, participating in deep germy breathing isn't all it's cracked up to be. 

Now that you have your plot, just put it together.  Find the key points and the metaphors that make your story really sing.  Be sure to stoke the suspense by metering out the details and pacing things for maximum effect.  Don't add anything extra or you'll drive away your reader, but don't omit important details or your reader will become disheartened.   It's as easy as pie!  Let me know when you've got it wrapped up.

This may turn out to be part one in a series. 

At any rate, it was great to hear from you.

Your always, 
N'3lvra, pronounced Kort-nee, the three is silent



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