Horoscopes and Peaches


The great wheel
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  I listened to a podcast recently about how to increase your level of curiosity.  Lack of curiosity isn't one of my (many) problems, so you may wonder why I was listening.  Isn't that what we do?  Once in a while, listen to something that let's us feel the tiniest bit smug.  You don't see the guy who hasn't been off the couch in 3 years reading Runners Magazine.  But anyway, he said the secret to a great life is being curious (citation needed), and the way to increase curiosity is to go new places, read new things, create more.  Do it, Pisces!

Aries (3/21 - 4/19):  I very much love this book.  If the book were a person, I'd want to hang out with it.  This is the book I wish I'd written, and when I read it I alternately want to crawl back to bed and give up, and get up and try harder.  Sometimes, luckily, trying harder wins.  I especially like that it doesn't have a plot, and it's hilarious in a low key way.  Aries, hang out with people who make you laugh this week.  

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  Oh, back to curiosity.  Apparently there are two kinds:  state, and trait.  State is when something piques your interest, and you're in a state of curiousity momentarily.  Trait is when you just wake up curious every day.  You know who you are, Taurus.  Trait is the secret to a long life, they say.  I hope that's true!

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21):   A few weeks ago, I went to the Farmer's Market to buy 3 peaches, because yes, T.S., I do dare.  I just wanted enough to put on cereal for a few days.  The peach sales lady, if that's an actual job title, said she didn't want to sell the peaches because although the flavor was good, the texture wasn't.  She said she'd sell me a whole box for $10.  That seemed like a terrific deal, so I bought two boxes.  The boxes were filled with  gigantic peaches, each one the size of a small planet, which seemed so exciting at first, Gemini.  If I could do animations, I could have made a fuzzy solar system in my house, and then made something happen, like a total eclipse of the peach. Oh, Total Eclipse of the Peach.  If I could only animate.  Be animated this week, Gemini.

Cancer (6/22 – 7/21):  As soon as I brought those peaches home, though, I realized my mistake.  It was much like adopting 40 puppies or six infants, because they needed constant attention.  Constant.  I decided to make fruit leather, because texture doesn't matter.  The point of fruit leather is that the texture is, well, like leather.  But you have to cook it forever, and turn it over again and again, day in, day out, during the day and into the night.  And the whole thing is so sticky. Midway through the project, I remembered that I don't even like fruit leather, but I couldn't remember why.  Is it because it bugged me that it's always individually packaged in plastic?  Or that it sticks in your teeth?  Or, and I think this is it:  it's not really food.  It's never more than a snack.  "What's for dinner?" is never answered with "fruit leather."  So, that happened, Cancer.  While you were out.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22): But I totally had a victory with that whole peach business, which is that I froze a bunch of them, and then, rather than hoarding the way I do when I process food in any way, I used some!  And made a peach cobbler from this lovely book.  If I had a blender, I would be making smoothies too.  But Leo, my sincere apologies to make your horoscope about my peach issues and victories.  Your horoscope:  It's okay to sleep in a little.  No need to leap up in the morning.  Sleep is our friend.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  I am very excited about this app, which makes decisions.  You type in the two options (for example, "Do I dare to eat a peach?" or "Should I take a nap?") The app sends a photon to Geneva (I KNOW!).  After an exciting little thing happens on your phone, it reveals which universe you're in.  Check it out.  I spend most of my time in Universe A, where, unfortunately, I'm not taking a nap.    
Can you see the black cat? Yes, strange doings.
I stopped in the middle of the woods to enjoy the sunset, and a
black cat showed up.  I don't think that's a good sign.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22):  I heard an ad for a video doorbell he other day, and it seemed like, well, how to put this.  But someone should have told that person that no one needs a video doorbell.  The deal is that you can see who's at your door from wherever you are in the world.  Alas, no one knocks at the door anymore.  Well, the Jehovah's Witness' come once a year on November 13 (They are nothing if not predictable.)  I think the world is going to end before they get to it this year, sadly.  But every other person besides the JW has texted, e-mailed, called, been invited.  Knocking on the door has gone completely out of style, just like skinny jeans.  Phew.  Libra, you should feel free to knock on my door, though.  You would be welcomed.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  I took this quiz; surprise surprise, off the charts.  Ugh.  Quirkyalone is still alone.  The weirdest thing is that they offer a class in how to get quirky.  Who would take that?  I'd like the class in how to leap into the middle of the bell curve.  At the end of it, I wouldn't be that person who spends her days folding paper boats and carving tiny people out of mushrooms for a video that will never happen.  No sirree.  I'd take the "Not at all quirky, not alone" class, and end up dressing like a 12, going to the game, and carefully minding my investments from my tidy little house that doesn't have a porch that's falling off. Ok, I really wouldn't sign up for that either.  But jeez, a class?  Be your wonderful self, Scorpio.  

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): This guy came into the coffee shop last week and was just the happiest man, beaming and saying hello to everyone.  It turns out he's a collector of lava lamps.  Correlation or causation?   Sag, connect to your inner lava lamp.  And, connect to this book if you have a moment.  It's rather excellent.


Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19):  This, from a reliable source: a local logger was hired to bring 20 six-foot long cedar logs to the 17th floor of the Amazon building this week so that the dogs have somewhere to pee.  It seems like we're in a strange part history where that could all come together:  there are still trees and loggers, and they're within driving distance of a dog population that needs a fake forest in a skyscraper because their people are too busy doing whatever it is you do at Amazon to go outside for a walk.  1500 dogs are registered to go to work at Amazon.  This may be occurring in the crack between Universe A and B.  It makes me sad that dogs have to work in cubicles and pee inside too.  It's bad enough for the humans, but at least they get paid. I'm glad I have a job that involves peeing in the actual woods, but I digress. Cap, be thankful for all your gifts this week: intelligence, creativity, friends and family.  Choose joy.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18): Every single thing we say to our children leads them to understand that they're good enough, or they aren't.  Keep that in mind, Aquarius, and let things go as much as possible.  Embrace the messiness of a deeply flawed world.

Comments

  1. I love you times infinity. And you always have something to say which piques my curiosity so, in fact, you are helping me to live longer.
    Good deal on the peaches! Next time, yeah, just freeze them all. But how WAS the fruit leather? And what is the difference between fruit leather and jerky? One is made from fruits, obviously, and one from meat. They could both be used for emergency siding repairs though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I think leather is more suitable for shoes than jerky, though I agree that both could be used to fix my porch. I haven't tried my peach jerky yet. Still hoarding. . . May the road rise up to meet you.

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  2. So, you made me want to go read Prufrock again. It was just as opaque as the last time I read it which was over forty years ago. Even reading wikipedia's analysis did not make it less impenetrable. I'm just going to go with Aries' horoscope to hang out with people who make me laugh. I don't think T.S. would have made me laugh, but you do, Betsy - you do. Have a good week :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, ditto on that poem, but I still like it. You too, have a great week!

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  3. Once again I'm knocked sideways by some random factoid here. Peach fruit leather? Christmas gifts, I'd say.

    But really-logs to pee on inside. Ok, wow. Felix peed on some plumbing supplies in Home Depot recently. He got confused and thought we were on a walk. Could happen in a HD because their square footage is about a million three. 1500 dogs + pee from 1500 dogs = ??? gallons of pee? And then they didn't mention the other item that comes out of dogs. What about that, er, poo situation?

    I think Amazon needs a compost station so at least they could reduce/reuse/recycle. I mean, c'mon, it's Seattle and we're about it!

    Love eternally,

    Beth

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we are all abou that! I get confused in HD too. Although I do like going there, in spite of it! xoxoxo

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  4. Once again I'm knocked sideways by some random factoid here. Peach fruit leather? Christmas gifts, I'd say.

    But really-logs to pee on inside. Ok, wow. Felix peed on some plumbing supplies in Home Depot recently. He got confused and thought we were on a walk. Could happen in a HD because their square footage is about a million three. 1500 dogs + pee from 1500 dogs = ??? gallons of pee? And then they didn't mention the other item that comes out of dogs. What about that, er, poo situation?

    I think Amazon needs a compost station so at least they could reduce/reuse/recycle. I mean, c'mon, it's Seattle and we're about it!

    Love eternally,

    Beth

    ReplyDelete

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