Crickets: a gateway bug

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):   I know there are people who think crickets are just a gateway bug for me, but that's not so.  It's possible I'll get an ant colony someday, but that's a long way off.  And Pisces, is it so wrong to want a little companionship, anyway?  Speaking of which, will I ever see you?  Make it happen!

Aries (3/21 - 4/19): It's time to review the rules of what not to talk about, Aries.  I've added a few more.  The original seven:
  1. Route talk
  2. Period talk
  3. Aches and pains
  4. How you slept
  5. Dietary needs
  6. Dreams
  7. Money
And a few new ones:
  1. Detailed descriptions of procedures that the listener will never need to perform.  
  2. Detailed descriptions of a movie, book, or video that the listener hasn't seen.
  3. What day it was when something happened.  If you don't know, just say it was Tuesday.  DON'T STRUGGLE TO FIGURE OUT IF IT WAS TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY UNLESS YOU'RE BEING INTERVIEWED BY THE POLICE.
  4. The weather, unless it's super dramatic.
Ok, there are more but I'll leave it there.  Let's get some cards made up and leave them around, shall we?  There's nothing wrong with a bit of silence.  We don't need to fill in all the gaps, Aries.  If you have gaps this week, fill them with your brilliance!  We need more of that.
A crematorium in upstate NY, and
site of a famous Fata Morgana
Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  It takes a village to do a crossword puzzle.  An intergenerational village.  But that's not your horoscope, it's just something I've noticed.  But here we go:  I was talking to an efficiency expert the other day, and it was remarkable -- he got right to the point the quickest way.  But we want more than that in our lives, Taurus.  We want getting to the point the most interesting way.  We have time.  

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21):  I just finished reading a memoir about a woman who grew up with hoarders as parents; it was pretty grim.  And it made me think how grateful I am that I don't have that particular malady.  The hoarders form strong attachments to objects and feel grief about the prospect of getting rid of them.  I, personally, have a great deal of trouble caring about objects.  I often wish my house would just burn up, poof!  No more stuff!  I would start over with just one pillow, a sleeping bag, a small acorn bowl, and a spoon.  Sigh of happiness.  And bees.  And crickets.  That's all I need, as Steve Martin said.  (When's the last time you saw that movie?  Go do it!)

Cancer (6/22 – 7/21):  One of my sisters is thinking of starting a blog called, "What Makes You Think My Sister Has Crickets?"  I don't think that's such a great idea, Cancer.  No one ever really thought that.  I hope.  But whatever.  If she starts it, I'll let you know, Cancer.  Meanwhile, your week is going to be delightful.  

Leo (7/23 – 8/22)It seemed like for a while, maybe a month, every time I listened to the news, they'd mention that they're about to get to the sentencing phase for the Boston Marathon bomber.  Now they've done it.   And no one asked me, but I don't think taking another life advances us, as a culture, towards greatness.  What advances us toward greatness, Leo, is forgiveness and compassion.  Do what you can this week.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22): Write for one minute.  Play solitaire for 5 minutes.  Watch crickets for 7 minutes.  Write for one more minute.  And so my life goes by.  But you have to admit that the crickets are pretty damned interesting.  And beautiful.  Dare I say appetizing? 

Libra (9/23 – 10/22): It turns out that we each have a genetic chronotype, and even though you already know yours, there's a test, and it turns out that the humans love tests! It turns out I'm a lark.  Getting the worm isn't all it's cracked up to be, Libra.  See if you can sleep in once in a while.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  I did what's called a "walkaway split" of my hives.  The real way to do it is to take a bunch of frames from a strong hive and move them into a new empty hive and then walk away for a month.  I didn't do it exactly that way because I'm not good at walking away.  I have two character flaws involving extreme missing (if it's a person) and extreme curiosity (if its something else).  So, I took a few frames, including one with a couple of queen cells, and put it in a new empty hive with some honey, some bees, and some capped brood.  And then looked in there way too often, and added more brood if it seemed like the bees looked lonely, or just not super happy -- if one can tell such a thing about another being. I didn't look every single day, because I have a tiny bit of restraint. There are two kinds of people, Scorpio -- the "out of sight, out of mind" sorts, and the missers.  We know which kind I am. But the good news is that the other day, I found newly laid eggs, which means that either there's a laying queen, or the workers have given up and they're laying drones in a last ditch effort to get their DNA out into the planet.  Time will tell, Scorpio.  In the meantime, I urge you not to give up.  Believe good things until you're forced to do otherwise.  

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21):  Speaking of attachments to things, I've been looking at this book, which consists of pictures of what people would save from their burning house.  I honestly don't know if I'd save anything.  I'd walk away and try not to do a little jig, because that would make me seem guilty, like that woman who pushed her rich bf out of the kayak into the Hudson River, and then went to sing karaoke.  If you like podcasts about karaoke, btw, here's one I've been enjoying.

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19):  They've added signage on a local roadway to show us how to do the zipper merge: stay in this lane, merge here, take turns.  I wasn't surprised to see the new instructions; I know the Zipper Merge is all the rage these days.  But what did surprise me, and kind of choked me up, is that no one follows the instructions.  It turns out that sign or no sign, we tend to think it's the behavior of an asshole to pass on the right, and we won't do it.  I don't know precisely why it actually brings a lump to my throat, but I think it's because people taking a stand.  Even if it's a stand for something tiny and insignificant.  We, the people of the valley, aren't for line cutting.  We'll rot in traffic before we take up the damned zipper merge!  Displays of courage and conviction always cause me to weep just a little bit.  Did you see that movie Pirate Radio?  Like that.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18):  If you've somehow missed this video, go watch it.  Ok, in 1969, my sister and I had a club called The Peace People.  Our main activities were creating science museums in the basement, solving mysteries, sending away for free things from the back of the Saturday Review, and making floral collages on old meat trays. I'd like to get that going again now, if anyone's interested.  And speaking of mysteries, this might be my new favorite podcast.  Check it out, Aquarius.


  1. I am definitely one of the missers, even though Scorpio is not my sign. I do love your horoscopes.

  2. Crickets really ARE a gateway bug! My wife has them in "her" room to feed to her frogs. I'm afraid to go in there and see what else is making noise. As a Leo I try and understand these things.

    1. Wow, the frogs have their own room? And the crickets do too? I think I would like your wife!

  3. So I took a chronotype test (not the one in your link because it wanted my address and I don't DO that! but one I found via wikipedia with more questions) and found out I'm not quite as much an evening person as I thought. Huh. Imagine that.

    Are crickets morning people or evening people, I wonder?

    I also wonder, are you really truly planning to eat those little guys? Isn't it just as hard to eat crickets as it is to eat chickens or pigs or cows? Maybe harder, considering their exosketetons, but that's not really what I meant.

    1. Hmm, the things we learn on Wikipedia! What would we do without the internet?

      I am really going to try to eat the crickets. I know. It seems a little heartless. But I think a little exoskeleton would be good for me once in a while. Stay tuned...

    2. Oh Betsy! I forgot to tell you how much I enjoyed the video on the first 21 days of a bee's life - fascinating. It almost made me cry. And I am not really a bug person, so that's saying something. I'm up for anything else you post on the buzzy ones.

    3. Yay! I'm glad you liked the movie. i loved it too.

  4. Where is my comment? I did I did.

    And I miss you too. Last year we were in a weird painting class about another outing of some sort? Punting on the Thames? Scaling the pyramids? Lying in the grass on peyote?

    your friend Beth

    1. Weird! I replied to this a few days ago. (Or so I thought.) About how YES, I remember how fun that class was, and how I used to have time before I was in MEDICAL SCHOOL I mean massage therapy school. :-) I'll be done in August, not a moment too soon! Then, peyote or pyramids fo' sho'! xoxox

  5. I just want to mention that you are a genius. Thanks for the laughs and the tucked-in insights.

    1. Ha! You're so generous! Thanks for reading.


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