Horoscopes from Vacation!

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20)
:  I'm on vacation, which involves packing a tiny overnight bag each evening, and walking across the hall into one of the vacant bedrooms where I sleep without a care in the world.  Because that's how it is on vacation, people.  It's really fun because it's like travelling to a far away land without all the hassle of sunburns, language barriers and air travel.  I do have to go home to use the bathroom, as someone pointed out, but it doesn't seem like home because the route is different.  I may even leave a chocolate on my pillow tonight, who knows!  Anyway, the thing that makes it especially fun is packing the little overnight bag, planning what I need, and putting it ever so tenderly into my tiny tiny overnight bag.  (Turns out all I ever need is a book.)  I'd recommend this, Pisces.  Take the Staycation concept to new lows.

Aries (3/21 - 4/19):   Does the word, "repurposed" sound pretentious?  I know, Aries, but we must accept and forgive, even when people say utilize.  (Although I will confess that I like how "curate" is being overused.)  Anyway, Aries, here's the deal:  I listened to the most recent magnificent episode of KCRW's Unfictional podcast, in which a guy has been haunted by the ghost of Montgomery Clift for his whole life.  I can think of worse problems, personally, but still, it would be a little weird to have a dead 50's hearthrob lurking all the time.  This week, Aries, see who you're haunted by and welcome them directly into your life.  Say something like, "You, out from the shadows!"  Let me know how it goes.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):   I know someone who has seven Facebook friends, a number that she feels comfortable with.  If she adds anyone else, she'll have to drop someone, because she imagines FB as a rowboat in which there just isn't enough room for everyone.  I know of someone else who will only travel in a three mile radius from her home.  Taurus, aim for spaciousness this year.  We're not in a lifeboat!  We're on a beautiful habitable (for now) planet, being orbited by the coolest moon in the solar system.  (Not to stray from the point, but out of all the planets, that moon chose us!  How lucky we are!) 

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): The thing about magic is the magicians usually know how it's done, so it's not magic, it's trickery.  But here's some real magic, in the video below.  I know what you're thinking -- that's not magic, that's called a faulty connection!  But it is magic to me; try not to judge. I choose to believe that the little light just needs some special transformative attention from me each morning.   It's almost like having a beloved roommate!  Or a dog, without the hassle.  Gemini, offer your magical attention to those around you this week.  It's what the planet needs right now.

Cancer (6/22 – 7/21):  I was working for The Man the other day, doing my booty call job, which can be most unpleasant, but I try not to let it be.  Anyway, it involves driving around in a County vehicle, being vulnerable to all the government hate out there -- I might as well wear a giant bullseye and a flashing sign that says, "I REPRESENT OVER-REGULATION AND GOVERNMENT WASTE!"  Anyway, I mostly visit people's property and tell them they can't do what they want, and this usually after they've paid a lot of money and waited a long time.  At any rate, I visited someone the other day and he was all, "Come back any time!  Seriously, I've planted 1,000 bulbs, come visit in the spring!  Or come see my project when it's done.  I'll probably have a house warming party, can I invite you?"  Which was so unexpected that I teared up just a tiny bit.  And it was also pretty weird to imagine coming back in six months, "Hey - remember me?  I just came by to hang out, and maybe see the garage you built!"  But sweet, nevertheless. (I love that word, "nevertheless".  Is it even a word?)  Enjoy the moments this week, Cancer.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22):  Did you hear that thing about how they're recommended that children bring canned goods to school in order to ward off gunmen?  I'm not able to judge the merits of the strategy, but I will note that it's heartbreaking to consider a scenario in which the threat of being shot in school is real enough that we need a plan, and it involves 10 year-olds hurling canned goods at an armed whack-job.  Lordy.  

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  When I first started doing yoga, I spent a lot of time trying to get into a specific pose, agonizing that I couldn't, yadda yadda yadda.  But now I just think about breathing, mostly, and my feet, a little bit.  Are my feet really on the ground?  Wasn't that a sweet breath!  How long will I get to live on this planet, doing this, feet on the ground, going on a vacation every night, doing yoga every day?  Oh man, I hope they don't make me move to outer space!  Yikes, don't make me move to Saturn!  I DON"T WANT TO GO!  My breath is getting squishy.  Oh wait, probably no one is going to make me move to another planet.  Let that thought float on by.  Where are my feet?  How much gravity is on Saturn, again?  Why isn't it habitable?  This amount of gravity is pretty good.   Exhale.  What if I live alone all my life and end up owning a hundred cats, hoarding, with a lightbulb as my closest companion?  Oh wait!  That's happening now and it's really not so bad!  Anyway, it's not about the poses.  Thank you, Virgo, for teaching me that, and for all your generosity and joy.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22):  We have our own little microbiome inside our bodies -- all our little bacteria that make a village inside our, well, inside our insides, I guess you'd say.  I read something (or did I dream it?) about how our whole house has that same little microbiome.  And you only have to be at a hotel for 3 days for the hotel to have grown the exact microbiome as your house.  I don't know what that means about having a house guest.  Right?  Hey, people, don't leave your microbiome lying around!  But the point, Libra, is this.  I'm speechless, but, I'll confess, curious.  Order!  Let me know how it goes.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  I'm reading a great book right now called The Grapes of Math, which attempts to answer that age old question:  does math imitate life, or does life imitate math?  And it addresses things like why is seven so popular, what's important about Euler's number, and so on.  I can't recommend it highly enough.  Let it be a dance you do, Scorpio.

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21):  There's a FB page for our little town, which sounds sweet at first, but it turns out that there's rage lurking right below the surface in so many citizens.  What's up with that?  I'm especially irritated by the people who claim status because they've lived here longer.  There's a lot of, "You must be new."  Which apparently is code for, "You're an idiot."  Having the same address for a long time isn't anything to boast about, Sag.  I look to a day when people will not be judged by the longevity of their address, but by the content of their character, as MLK said.  ish.  

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19):  I recently read this, by one of the famous unitarians, Ralph Waldo E.: 
“I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know.”  
I'm working on that, Cap.  Treating you with the roughest courage, because it matters. The roughest courage is where caring lives.  It lives in being present and truthful and above all, kind, because even when the truth is painful, it's the most respectful and generous thing we have to offer one another.  May you display rough courage this week.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18):  Do you share my adoration for Ruth Bader Ginsberg?  Of course you do, Aquarius.  Read a little about her, and then claim your inner badass.  Bend the arc of history towards justice this week.  You can do it! 


  1. I love you. Why is this what I always say to you? I don't know. Perhaps because I love you.
    I wonder if people who keep chickens have better biomes than people who do not? I hardly ever get sick. (Knock wood.) Someone should study this. And when I say "someone" I do not mean me.

    1. Aww, thank you. Yes, I think the chicken people have great biomes. Someone SHOULD study that!! Not me either, though.

  2. Because I'm a homebody, I actually do like your idea of vacation. If only I didn't have to clean up after myself it would be perfect. Can you please figure out that little detail for me?

    As always, you made me think. One of the things I thunk is that your photo is beautiful.

    Another thing is that the test for the microbiome does not seem to have any purpose except to part us from our funds. Unless I'm missing something. And speaking of microbiomes, I am full of amazement that I actually read about them BEFORE you wrote about them! Exciting, right?!

    1. Yes, I think you need to take all of the dollars that you save on this vacation, and pay a person to tidy up. Make the beds, sweep, possibly prepare a pot of soup. You can lounge and read and take walks and do other vacation things.
      And yes, I'm not surprised that you read about that elsewhere frist. But sheesh, I agree -- what can you possibly learn from that? Although I confess I'm curious....

      Have a lovely week.

  3. Your horoscopes are kind of sweet and hopeful this time. I always love them but these have a different, may I say hopeful, tone. Maybe it's the vacation!

    1. Yes, it might indeed be the vacation! Thank you for noticing.

  4. The MLK quote is appropriate this weekend and sort of truthy.

    1. Sort of truthy, yes. The word "truthy" doesn't show up nearly enough, Jono. (Two MLK quotes! Ish.) Enjoy this day.

  5. Dear famous seer (well you could be famous and then I could say I know you and I've even been to your house!)

    I am still so happy that Pisces are first because I feel that we are given short shrift A LOT. I mean, we know stuff but nobody comes on down to our houses with microphones and cameras to ask 'What should we do now?"

    (where am I going with this? I have no idea. The dog is staring at me again.)

    I think the magic light bulb was, well, magic. I teared up a little bit.

    I will one day have multiple rooms so that I can vaca in places other than the couch or the back yard which is not appealing right now for obvious reasons. a) stacks of wood covered with tarps, b) various junk like defunct ceiling vents and siding, c) dog poo I didn't, and d) a pedestal sink in two parts.

    The cat is lying very heavily on my left arm making typing difficult.

    Will you come to my birthday?

    Thank you,

    Beth the elder

  6. Of course I'll come to your birthday, B the E! When, where? I would love to actually show up with a camera crew and ask what we should do now.

  7. You know Betsy, I was sure I commented here. Maybe it was all in my head, and I never actually typed the words out. Maybe I did write something and it disappeared into some space time vortex. Or maybe I got distracted. I can't know what actually happened. Oh well.

    I am so smitten with my horoscope that I can't even tell you. I got a little teary eyed thinking about tenderly packing a little overnight bag and checking into my spare bedroom. Maybe I got a little teary eyed too, thinking about the pile of coats that are heaped on the bed from when the toilet leaked through the ceiling into the front hall closet and I didn't know where to put all those extra winter coats except piled on the extra bed. So, I think it's time to re-evaluate the extra coat situation and donate them to someone who needs them, and clear out my happy yellow spare bedroom and go for a little stress and worry free staycation - I already know what book I'm going to pack!

    Also I love the picture of the tree, and your magic light too. I have a sortof magic undercounter light that I have to whack to turn on, well not actually anymore, because I found the loose wire that just needed to be nudged and now it works. But I liked it better when it turned on when wacked though.

    Thanks for writing horoscopes that cause me to get so lost in my comment thoughts that I forget to actually write anything, or for making a blog with a comment wormhole in it. You are the best. :)


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dowdy Church-lady Post

The random edition

Upleveling Our Badassery