Showing posts from October, 2014

End times might actually be pretty fun!

I had a closing at the bank the other day (only it wasn't the bank, because it never is, it's just some weird skyscraper where people sign papers; it's unclear what the humans usually do in those buildings, but whatever it is, they have to dress up to do it.) Anyway, when given the choice, I selected, "e-sign", because it was going to be quicker!  I arrived and was ushered into a fancy conference room with a fake mahogany table and framed mass-reproduced "art" on the walls.  Two women were in the room, but quickly left on various missions:  one to find the iPad, one to find her notary stamp.  They found the iPad, but it wasn't charged, and the power cord was too short to reach the fancy table.  

"I can just sit on the floor near the outlet, that's fine with me," I said.    

The women looked horrified and laughed nervously, as if I'd proposed to sign in the nude or had spit onto the fake oriental rug, and dashed off to find an extensi…

The Happiness (ish) Edition.

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  I've been looking online to see about getting foot surgery in a far away land, because it's cheaper, and of course, there'd be a fun trip involved.  If you call it fun to go to a foreign land and go under the knife.  Strangely, the particular surgery I need doesn't seem to be held in other countries.  The Surgery-tourism trade seems to involve bunions, gastric bypass, and liposuction, which I don't need yet...  At any rate, since it doesn't look like I'll be going on a surgery-tourism trip, I'd like to offer myself up as a companion if you need surgery.  I don't speak any other languages, which may rule me out, but gimme a chance, Pisces!  I could learn the words for "painkiller", "stop!", and "OWWW!" in many languages if needed.  And, I believe it's been well established that I posess superior skills in assisting the vomiting humans.  Pisces, may you not need those skills this week.
Aries (3/2…

10 Core Competencies From a Guest Blogger

Yesterday, in the Scorpio horoscope, I asked for suggestions for a list of core competencies that an adult human of this species should possess.  My daughter posted the list below as a comment, reminding me yet again that if I do nothing else, ever again, I have birthed this amazing person, who essentially spends her waking moments making the world a better place for all concerned.

I thought it deserved to be a post on it's own.  And throwdown to the everyone else -- Send me yours!

Marisa's list:

1) Know of 15 things that generally irritate other people (to find out, use the scientific method, preferably before age 18), that you can commit to NEVER DOING. Reducing irritation in the world is good for all of us. On my list: drawing on people's faces without consent, waking people up from naps prior to the 1-hour mark, not leaving a note if I ding somebody's bumper, etc.

2) Be able to make a good potluck dish, recommend a few good books (real books), dress for the weather, …

Horoscope Madness

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  I went to a hilarious event with Ms. C. the other evening, in which people told a personal story from their life to a group of actors who then acted it out.  I had the opportunity to see Ms. C's coming out story performed by random people dressed in black.  Pisces, I'd like to see that as a routine part of people's life:  at the dinner table, the family is sitting around, and random people in black act out the tiny moments that make up our days.  Are you in?
Aries (3/21 - 4/19):  I woke up with a black eye the other day, which is kind of creepy -- black eye of unknown origin?  You know that guy in the Time Traveller's Wife, didn't he always arrive wherever all banged up?  I know.  I'm pretty sure that's what's going on.  This week, my friend, try to arrive wherever you are not banged up, and be right there, as if that's the only place you've ever been or wanted to be.  There will be time enough for the next place later.