Thanksgiving horoscopes

Aries (3/21 – 4/19):  Do you ever have that thing where you say you'll update your blog every day, and after about 5 days you kind of wear out?  Yeah, I know!  Because it turns out you can either have a life or write about it; there's not enough time for everything.  Anyway, Aries, I've been busy making the salt, which is mildly arduous.  (Rush home from work.  Turn on burner.  Take a nap.  Etc.)  This week, take many naps.  All of those children will be out of school in a few weeks, so rest up while you can.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  Have you seen the video of "Occupy Walmart" that happened yesterday?  Don't watch, because it will make you seasick.  (Seriously, was the cameraman in sideplank on a teeter-tauter while s/he shot it?)  It's exactly like the sad footage of OWS except worse -- all the pepper spray without people who have convictions -- just some sorry individuals seeking deals on Blu-rays.  (I didn't even know what a blu-ray was until just now when I looked it up, and I learned that it's round.  It's one more round thing that people are willing to get capsicumed over.)  Taurus, this may be the first time that capsicum has been used as a verb.  Let's hope it doesn't stick.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21):  Let's be straight here:  none of us were surprised, or even particularly disappointed when the so-called "super committee" failed.  But Gemini, keep being super in all that you do.  Don't let yet another word be claimed by those angry miserly repubs, creating cynicism where there once was hope.  Each time you do something super, shout it out!  "Hey, that was a super downward dog I just did!"  Or, "wow, I made a super risotto with chanterelles!"

Cancer 6/22 – 7/21: I saw this robot standing by the side of the road on the outskirts of the village the other day.  It's sad to see how the 99 percenters in the robot world turn to cheap canned beer, while the one percent, like Curiousity, get to go to mars.  Cancer, even if you're a 99 percenter, see if you can upgrade the beer just a little bit this week.  What's the downside?

Leo (7/23 – 8/22): I think the flags should be at half mast to honor the brave occupiers who are getting the shit beat out of them by police officers who, if they stopped to consider it, should totally be on the side of the occupiers.  It's a sorry, sorry thing that the courageous and  peaceful protesters are getting brutalized for no apparent reason; meanwhile, the press is being barred from the scene.  We should be a nation in mourning, but instead, we're a nation that's fighting over $2 waffle makers at Walmart.  Try not to think too hard about that, my dear Leo people.  Stay in the moment, keep being courageous, and do what you can.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  There's been good news this week on the marriage equality front -- the Archie comic book is celebrating its first gay wedding.  Marriage between any two loving humans is finally legal in Riverdale.  The shocking thing here is that it didn't involve Jughead.  I know!  Didn't we always think Jughead was that guy, the really sweet funny one that you sort of had a crush on, but was absolutely never interested?  Yep, it's some new character named Kevin.  Congratulations to Kevin and Clay.  Maybe one day it will be safe for Bert and Ernie to come out.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22): I heard a Seattle cop interviewed the other day about the dangerous threat of J-walking.  He said something like, "people buying, selling, and smoking marijuana pose way less risk to health and safety of our communities than Jay Walkers, so that's where we focus."  Good to know.  Libra, the point here is, focus on the real safety threats this week, and not the cliched things we're supposed to worry about.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  Okay, do you Scorpios love Emily Bazelon as much as I do?  Because she's so freakin' smart and funny and knows right from wrong in a good way?  Yeah, I thought so.  My favorite thing she said this week is that her biggest take home from the [umpteenth] Republican debate is how photogenic Michelle Bachmann is.  Anyway, listen to Double X podcast and you'll always have some good cocktail chatter.

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): Do you ever feel like the burden is all on you -- for example, you signed up to do the meal announcements once, and now it's every frikkin' meal?  And you've got to gather the announcements, and then stand up and say them every single meal?  Even when you're just eating alone, or dining with one other person?  Yep.  That's just how it goes sometimes.  Sag, this week, be grateful that you have such an important role. 

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19): It looks like another Mayan tablet has been discovered that confirms the end of the world happening next December.  Capricorn, live as if that were true, enjoying life to the fullest every day until then by looking on the bright side, apologizing well, and cooking good food.  Hopefully, that will just get you in practice for 2013 if it rolls around.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18): The coolest competition ever is "Dance your PhD, where people present their doctoral research as an interpretive video.  I think my favorite is the one about smell-mediated response to relatedness of potential mates.  Aquarius, see if you can do the interpretive dance of your life this week.  If you create a video, I promise to post it here. 

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Have you ever been at a restaurant when someone gives you a nice little baggie of homemade salt crystals, and you're sort of pretending to be excited because you like the giver, but seriously, salt is cheap and plentiful and it's a little hard to be too thrilled about the gift of a tablesppon.  Anyway, you're sitting at the restaurant with this small baggie of white crystally powder when the waitress comes over and gives you a look like, "People, discretion please!"  Yeah, I hate that.  Anyway, speaking of cool white things, swans are in the valley right now.  Don't miss them!


  1. I should totally have been an Aries. Yesterday, while taking a nap, in which I dreamt I had to pee and went into a Starbucks to find a potty, where there was an entire band on a stage at eight in the morning, I invented a toilet that you can ride right up to on your bicycle and use without dismounting.

  2. This part doesn't have anything to do with inventing anything, but while I was in the potty that could be used by a cyclist, I tried to pee and nothing happened. At some point I realized I wasn't peeing because I was still in bed asleep, and I woke up. Just now I realized there might be a blog post in this.

  3. Wow, I can't wait for that post, Murr!


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