Your week by the numbers

Aries (3/21 – 4/19): I thought I'd do that thing they do in horoscopes where they say, "Your day will be a 7."  You'll notice that they never say anyone's day is going to be a 2.  So, your day will be a 17, Aries, and I am not making that up.  It's a prime number, and also, if you add 1 + 7, it equals eight, and you know what that means.  Oh, you don't?  Well, it's a pathway to the spiritual world, and according to some sources, is twice as lucky as the number three!  I know!  In laypersons terms, this means your week will be excellent.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):   Everyone has joked to death about the rapture, but what if it's just more subtle than all the talk?  What if, instead of people getting sucked up from their cars in the middle of the freeway, proving their bumper sticker true, it's more like a few people just disappear quietly, like slip out of your life.  Say, one fewer FB friend, or wait, wasn't there a different barista here last week?  Did the tide take away that log for good?  Did the person around the corner whom I never really knew, move?  Did my friends graduate and disperse?  The world keeps shifting, so keep your eyes on the horizon lest you get nauseated.  Cultivate the delicate threads that keep you tethered lovingly between the past and the future.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21):  Did you ever have one of those long dates with someone where you've been warned that dates with you are a bit too low energy and so this time, your date will be watching closely to see if you are little more fun, and it's pretty clear that you're gonna get dumped at the end of the day because your date didn't even bother to shave?  I don't know about you, but this totally brings out the up beat fun energy in me.  But one interesting thing is this:  what do people talk about for 8 hours when they have almost no past, and apparently no future?  Nouns.  They talk mostly about nouns.  Anyway, Gemini, your week will be full of weird challenges. Rise to them, not because the world is fair, but just because.  Just because you're the awesome person you are.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/21: Last Friday, while on my way to hang out with C’s children, I stopped to buy gas, and the meter read, “Pre-paid $10”. I tried to pay, but the meter was insistent. It seemed to get louder and louder about the prepaid $10. I looked around, then pumped the $10, and drove off. Here's the thing, Cancer: notice all of the large and small gifts that come your way this week, the result of you being a kind and thoughtful friend to many. Spend more time with the Libra's, btw!

Leo (7/23 – 8/22): Do you know anyone who assigns themselves nicknames? Yeah, not a fan of that, myself. But anyway, I had this dream, or maybe it really happened (not like MLK or anything, just a regular dream), where I met a woman who told me her baby was 22 days old, and she was so in love and distracted that I could tell, even though I was asleep at the time, that she really wasn't listening, but rather, just thinking of her baby. Remember that? This week, create stuff that requires that much obsession and devotion. Oh, 51. That's your number.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  Do you feel more frightened or excited that they expect to find Higgs boson by the end of next year?  Seriously, they'll be ripping the fabric of reality as we know it open with that gigantic collider, seeking to find the ultimate mystery, the bearer of all forces.  I wasn't too worried about rapture yesterday, but sheesh, this one, I dunno... I hope they know what they're doing.  Remember as a kid when you opened up a golf ball and someone always told you (uh oh, or maybe it was just me?) that you shouldn't unravel that rubber band all the way to the end, because bad stuff would happen?  I can't remember if it was supposed to cause blindness or a small explosion, but either way, I always stopped before I got there.  What do you say, Virgo?  Anyway, back to your horoscope:  23.  Your week will be a twenty three, and that's pretty damn good.  Thanks for the tree, btw!

Libra (9/23 – 10/22:  Practice forgiveness, not as a feeling, but as an action.  The people who skitter off without communicating are suffering, and they've truly done the best they can; they genuinely don't have the capacity for emotional honesty or good communication.  Hold that thought and feel compassion, and appreciation for whatever was good.  Remember, if the gifts you bring to the table aren't valued, go find another table!

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  Do you ever wish your sister didn't live in a different time zone, because she's so awesome and you'd have her over for dinner and a walk to the waterfall today?  I know, me too! 

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21):  Got the Helper Clerk blues, where you've been doing your job for over a year, no raise in site, and suddenly it occurs to you that maybe packing food into sacks for people gets stale?  Yeah, I know.  Hang in there, and keep bringing laughter and joy to all you encounter.

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19): Oh, alas, so the music stopped, and there's one less chair, (or maybe 8 less) and you didn't get one.  Trust me, you'll end up in a better place.  Which sounds like you're gonna die, but no, not right away.  This week, just enjoy the music.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18):  So this sculpture in my neighborhood was finally unveiled, and to be honest, I was a little worried about what it would be.  Nothing would have surprised me from this particular family -- it could have been the cliched chainsaw bear, or an obscene phallic statue, but instead, it appears to be a grizzled old Atlas, not exactly shrugging, but sporting a long beard, and carrying these three rings that I assume are weight of the world.  It's rather lovely in it's own bizarre way, and I dare say, your week will be like that.  But just as a reminder, don't carry the weight of the world!  We'll all share that. 

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  What's the deal, Pisces?  Same-ole stuff?  Okay, sing more, and I mean it.  There's really not enough flash-mobbing going on around here, and you might be just the one to change it.  63.  That's your number, and that's a really good one.  Enjoy it, because some weeks won't be like this one.