Another week, another horoscope

Air Signs:  
So at the dentist the other day the chatty hygienist started telling me about how when she was a kid she used to pin her dog down and brush and floss his teeth every day.  "Wow, so that’s how it started," I responded.  She looked at me blankly. I know! So I explained, "you know, you’re hygienist career,"  she looked startled, and said that had never occurred to her, but maybe I was on to something.  Seriously?  She has to know it’s not normal to brush and floss a dogs’ teeth daily.  Anyway, Air Signs, start by looking at the obvious stuff.  It's really not that complicated.

Water Signs: I was sitting in my cubicle ruminating about some things, and maybe I didn't look super happy for a second because I was sort of staring into my full-spectrum light and sort of putting my head down on the desk at the same time, when my hockey agent walked by.  "I know that feeling.  The puck is so small, and the goal is so big.  And sometimes, it gets in.  You just do the best you can." That's it, Water. Just do the best you can. 

Fire Signs: Speaking of my hockey agent, he told me that he's feigning disinterest when people call to sign me on one of the pro teams.  He says, "I tell them I'll call them back, maybe.  But I don't.  We don't want to look too eager."  Well, Fire, I disagree.  What the hell is so wrong with being eager?  Are we so chill as a culture that we must profess boredom and disinterest at ever turn?  REJOICE! Don't be too cool to live your life.

Earth Signs:  I bumped into an old acquaintance at the store the other day.  When I asked how his daughter-in-law was doing, he said she was doing great, and he attributed it to the fact that she had eaten the placenta from her recent pregnancy.  I try hard to be open minded, but I've seen a placenta, and, well, I'm not really even that into sushi.  So, Earth, see what you can do this week.  Step it up just a notch, without going full-board into placenta eating.

All the Rest:  It's starting to really bug me, this whole, "manifest your destiny" stuff.  I know, it's all the rage.  But there's serious resource disparity in the world, and if you woke up as a person living in Haiti, watching your children die of tuberculosis and cholera, um, it wouldn't really be something you could manifest your way out of.  So let's be grateful but not to self-congratulatory, eh?

That's it. And by the way, the blog and I are taking a little vacation; posts might be scarce for a couple of weeks.