tapping the vein

So I went to the doctor’s office today for a blood draw, and the nurse said, as they always do when they see my veins, “wow, you have great veins!”

I replied, “hmm, maybe I should have been a drug addict?” 

And she said, “don’t even say that.”  But while she was saying what I shouldn’t say, she started looking around at the veins on my arms, and said, “seriously, you really do have great veins.  Do you work out?”

“Um, yeah, I work out in the vein area, mostly. Guess it shows. Pretty buff veins.”

“Oh, sorry, was that awkward?”

Which struck me as odd, because usually things are way awkward, but no one mentions it, and on this day, it was the third awkward thing, this one hardly awkward at all, and the second ask. That seems good, right?  Good because of all the asking?  Or not good, because of all the awkwardness? I couldn’t’ tell.

The first awkward thing was when an old man came into the permit center, sat down across from me, and then just took my hand and said, “oh, don’t you have a lovely face.”

“Um, thanks,” I said.

“Most of the people here look so hunched over and angry. You really don’t seem very angry at all.”

I was staring off into space, wondering about that, feeling a little sad that it takes about one minute for a visitor to pick up on how angry everyone is. “Well, maybe everyone’s just tired today. I don’t think anyone’s angry at all,” I lied. 

His wrinkly, wedding-ringed hand was still holding mine, which made me uncomfortable, but also it seemed a little sweet, so I didn’t know quite what to do. I started staring at the hands. I’m calling them “the hands” because my hand was having it’s own little life without me; I wasn’t really part of it anymore.  My hand and I seemed to be having a trial separation.

“Oh, is this awkward?” the man asked.

Which it totally was, and then it was even more so after he said it, and on the one hand, it was sweet, but on the other hand (which was my actual hand, the hand that was having it’s own life without me), it was all those other things that I don't have to spell out for you smart people, but for starters, what makes you think you can just go up to a random woman and start holding hands? Where have you been for the past 50 years since that went out of vogue?

The third awkward thing is just too awkward to even recount, but it involves how really unfortunate it is that I'm so obedient, and when a farmer tells me to get on the tractor, um, I just do it.  I know.

So anyway, I feel like I’ve been neglecting the blog and then suddenly I had these three awkward things and two great complements, so there you have it.  Let’s everyone keep in mind that I don't even seem very angry,  and I have great veins on top of it. I know!

Who even needs a cat with all that going on?