Showing posts from April, 2018

Horoscopes: The Break In Edition

Aries (3/21 - 4/19):  In case you've been hiding in your closet with your hands over your ears, here's what's going on:  there was a raid on Trump's lawyer's office, Michael Cohen, and they confiscated his papers.  This caused a big to-do.  If someone confiscated my papers, no one would care, especially me.  I'd be like, "hallelujah!" and that word isn't even in my active vocabulary.  The minions would be lugging out boxes and boxes of stuff out of here and I'd be thanking them, and showing them where there's more papers.  They'd go through every last scrap and find a million half-started essays, and patterns to knit things that were never completed, and grocery lists filled with capers and yogurt, and bills, and dozens of sketch books filled with insects.  They'd probably come back later and offer me some sort of assistance.  I bet I qualify for a program.  None of my friends would be at all nervous.  That's not it went for Co…