How much turmeric is enough? How many r's must we pronounce?
|Gigantic box. Vacuum cleaner and part|
of poster of the anterior
view of the human body for scale.
|The actual turmeric. Quarter for scale.|
Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): Do you remember being about 11, when mad libs were the funniest thing ever? You could read a sentence with a crazy noun or a ridiculous adjective and laugh for a week? I wish we could get back to that. But now, Mad Libs are a dumb car game that seems predictably ridiculous. But Gemini, let's come up with that thing, the go-to thing always can make you laugh hard.
Leo (7/23 – 8/22): So, I grab my toothbrush in the morning, but notice that it's bright yellow. Which seemed interesting, not in a good way. I couldn't remember using it for mixing paint or anything, but as we know, my memory is faulty. I opened a new toothbrush from my stash, brushed my teeth, and low and behold, now the new toothbrush was also yellow. I guess you can either be inflamed and have a white toothbrush, or eat lots of turmeric and possibly be not so inflamed. Leo, life is full of hard choices like this. Make the best of it.
|Whiskey and bacon. It's what's for dinner.|
Virgo (8/23 – 9/22): All winter long, there was a t-shirt in the middle of the road that I drive every day. It would migrate around a bit, moving from one lane to the other,bobbing gently back and forth from the center line. It became a topic of conversation, like, "hey, did you see that the t-shirt moved a few inches today?" Or, "fooled me again, I thought it was a possum." And then, alas, some do-gooder cleaned up the road and the t-shirt is gone. Poof. "What does this mean for those of us who remain?", a friend asked. I think what it means, Virgo, is that it's up to us now. We can't rely on the t-shirt.
I'm looking in the battery area, and I know exactly what I need, but don't see it. A male employee guy tries to help me. "So, we're looking for something red. It will be red, you see, because it's Black and Decker. Every brand has their look, so what we're looking for here is a red package." And, "You can see where the voltage is listed, right on the package. You have to be sure you get the right voltage." I grow so weary of it, Libra. I so so so wish that every man had to go around as a woman for a week, and be condescended to the way we are, in a pleasant helpful way, talked to in a way that assumes you're an idiot but you know you have to just smile and say, "thanks so much for your help!" Libra, if you've figured out any kind ways to change things up, let me know.
Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21): If you started a country, who would you get to write the national anthem? For my country I was thinking I'd invite Lucinda Williams to do it, duh, because it would be soulful and tender and wouldn't have many high notes, much like the country itself. But then I thought, wait, must I have an anthem? It's my country, dammit. Let the people sing what they want! So, Scorp, I hope you'll visit my anthemless country. Sing whatever you damn well please.
Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): I just learned from a reliable source that it's active shooter month at KCLS! I guess there's a month devoted to every real and imagined risk, like "apocalypse month" (bring your own salt), "earthquake month" (same rules as active shooter month: find your safe spot), and "we're getting old and wear back braces like the old guys at Home Depot month" (get used to it.) Capricorn, discover and embrace your own theme this month. If appropriate, wear a costume to celebrate it!
Aquarius (1/20-2/18): This seems like an important book to read, though I haven't yet. Imagine if the emphasis in sex education for young girls was more on expecting equal pleasure and less on disease, pregnancy, pestilence. But Aquarius, here's something else to think about. Let's keep working on Time Travel. I'll meet you there.
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