The Scope

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):  How cell phone providers work: You arrive with a tiny problem, like, your phone won't charge because the plug doesn't fit snugly anymore.  And before you know it, they give you more minutes, a new phone, a tablet, some speakers, a new sink, an ankle bracelet that reports your movements to Verizon, and your monthly bill goes down.  It's not normal, but it happens, like time travel and Jimmy Hoffa sitings, and we're cool with the ankle monitor, because why not?  Enjoy what we must, Pisces.  

Aries (3/21 - 4/19): So, there's a situation with the rats in NYC.  First, a rat observed dragging a piece of pizza into the subway.  Then, selfie rat. Followed by pita rat.  I'm for it.  Either:  a) the rats are getting smarter, or at least more concerned about moving food around, or b) Zardulu is creating a strange permeable boundary between real and not real, staged and natural, trained rats and a rodent take-over of the world.  I don't really care which way it goes, but I do find it fascinating.  Aries, be fascinated this week. Why not?

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Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):  When I was a wide receiver for the NFL, I ran around every day trying to get the ball from the other guys, and then one day, Taurus, the NFL was like, "um, you aren't really wide enough to receive anymore."  So, poof, just like that, I took my $57 million (or was it 58?) and went home.  At first, I was all, "I AM SO WIDE ENOUGH!"  But eventually, I realized I didn't care one whit about their stupid ball or their $58 million.  That's what we call giving up acceptance, Taurus, and it's where we find the sweet spot.  Drive directly for it.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): I want to laugh more.  If I had my way, I'd be out of breath from laughing for 15 minutes out of every hour.  Wouldn't that be great?  But it's not happening.  I tried to watch videos about laughter yoga, thinking it might help.  Oh, Gemini.  It was so creepy.  So very very creepy.  (Be glad I didn't link to the other video where the guy looks like ET.)  And such a sorry sign of the times.  This week, Gemini, Do your part!  Make me laugh if you can.  (I'm really pretty easy.  It doesn't take much.)

Cancer (6/22 – 7/21):  I sometimes wish I were the sort of person who pronounced it "eyether" rather than "eeether", and, more longingly, "dat-uh" rather than "date-uh". It sounds easy to you, Cancer -- fer goddsakes, just start saying it the other way!  But it isn't easy.  I come from a long line of people who say eeether and date-uh, and it would be fake, like laughter yoga, to switch.  The work at hand, as usual, Cancer, is to accept who we are with generosity and grace.  So what if you aren't wide enough to receive for the NFL?  Who cares if you say tomato?  Be your lovely self, Cancer.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22)I was walking in the woods behind my house yesterday, the way I do most days.  It's kind of a weird forest, as I've written about before.  I usually don't see anyone out there, but yesterday, I encountered a man, 45ish with a very large German Shepherd.  Now, as all women past the age of about 13 know, there's that thing that happens every time you find yourself in that situation, alone in a remote area when a man shows up, you think, well, here goes.  Whatever happens is going to happen.  But I pretend it's all good, smile and chat, explain the trail system to this guy, and walk on.  But as I start to walk away, he yells after me, "I hope you're carrying.  Lot's of creepy guys out here."  I didn't go on my rant at him, and I'm not going to here either, but jaysus.  Ok, just a mini rant:  1.  Does he think guns are the answer?  2.  Does he think he's more aware of the way it could go down than I am?  3.  Oh, and slightly off topic, but why was he wearing sweat pants?  Speaking of creeps, who does that?  Leo, always put pants on if you're leaving the house.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  One of my pet peeves (why am I even using that term?  I don't like it!) is not adjusting our opinions based on new information.  Oregano oil probably won't cure clubfoot, vaccinations definitely don't cause autism, and the earth is round.  Life would be so much more fun if I believed, if I truly embraced all the happy stuff out there, like god and eternal youth and the power of positive everything.  Like this!  Check out how gorgeous the young woman looks after just three or four weeks!  (Ignore the ring of blood.) That being said, there is magic out there, and we can study it!  (Did I tell you I bought a blood pressure cuff?)


Libra (9/23 – 10/22):  I've been following bees around lately, which isn't working out so well, but no one can say I haven't tried.  There will be more on this later, but for now, I'd like to say that, besides all the trendy, "we love the pollinator" sentiment that's going around, we really should love the pollinators, not for the services they provide, but because they're so damn interesting.  Libra, do what you can to be interesting this week.  Ask about others, listen, care.  See what's going on out there.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  I read that they have a new kidney transplant method where the donor and the recipient don't really have to match.  There's some blocking of the defenses that they turn on so you can accept any old kidney as your own.  I'm confused about how I feel about this.  Could we use that same method to just accept one another more in general?  Wouldn't that be good?  There would be no walls, just longer tables, all around the globe and beyond.  So yes, I'm for it, Scorp.

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): But, I will add, selfishly -- I'm so glad this happened after I finished raising my children, because it would have taken the wind out of my primary parenting lecture.  Which I'll share here in it's entirety, and you may use as your very own.
"You two are closer to each other than any other humans in the entire galaxy.  There is no better genetic match on this planet or any other, and you may require a kidney one day.  Each moment, behave as if you're about to ask that enormous favor.  Live so that your sibling will say yes enthusiastically." 
A tiny bit of poetry from Antonio Machado

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19):  I dreamt my hair was falling out in big clumps, and at first I was pretty horrified, but after a few minutes I was like, whatever.  Who needs hair, who needs health?  We're all on the same ride, we know it's slowing down, which is as good a reason as any to love fully, show up as ourselves, be who we are.  

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18) Remember last year, when we thought it would be Hilary vs. Jeb?  And we thought that was discouraging?  Back when The Donald was just a funny joke, and we had no idea how much hate was brewing in the hearts of our fellow citizens?  I know.  

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Comments

  1. I am so glad to see a post from you, Betsy. And there is so much here to think about and potentially discuss, but I will just say two things: forced laughter is supposed to be just as good for you as spontaneous laughter, but I prefer the latter right along with you; and, your parenting lecture is brilliant and should be used for everyone on earth, not just siblings and not just by parents - well, not the DNA part exactly, but the part where we should all just be good to each other because we might need each other tomorrow. Which really isn't what you said, is it, but it led directly to it, so full credit is due. And a third thing (sorry, there's always one more thing than I thought), you could always move to Canada if things go badly down there. We have forests and bogs here too. Lots of ecosystems. And stuff. Even bees.

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    1. Oh, yes, Canada is so good to even consider letting us in after what a terrible mess we're making of things. And there's even real laughter in Canada! But I hope it doesn't come to that. Trump refugees....
      I hope you're enjoying the spring. xoxo

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  2. I never carry anything in my pants that could go off without some serious forethought. And I know that love is the answer. What is the question?
    The ladies are both Libras, but the pollinators are still frozen.
    Anyone who needs a kidney ca have one of mine.

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    1. That is so generous of you, about the kidney, Jono. I hope no one ever needs it. And agreed, don't carry things in the pants that can go off!

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  3. The guy in the woods (who wants you to carry a gun) does sound a bit creepy! Yikes, I can't imagine you carrying a gun. I do think you handled him really well, but do take care walking in the weird woods like that!

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  4. I was wondering if bees could be trained to fly in a gun shape. And you could point your bee gun at sweat pant wearing guys...then they'd run away and the bees would just chuckle a bee type of chuckle. No one would get hurt.

    Maybe bees would be willing to form themselves into a presidential shape. I'd vote for a hive for president, considering the current alternative.

    Love,
    Beth

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was wondering if bees could be trained to fly in a gun shape. And you could point your bee gun at sweat pant wearing guys...then they'd run away and the bees would just chuckle a bee type of chuckle. No one would get hurt.

    Maybe bees would be willing to form themselves into a presidential shape. I'd vote for a hive for president, considering the current alternative.

    Love,
    Beth

    ReplyDelete

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