Showing posts from December, 2011

Occupy Holiday Parties

I have four holiday parties under my belt, and I thought I’d try to eke out another blog post by reporting on the whole conversation issue that I mentioned in the Scorpio horoscope the other day.  Here’s the deal:  many people dread the holiday party because conversations are so dull and lacking in depth.  We tend to blame the party, but in fact, my people, it’s responsibility of the people populating the parties to make them interesting, right?  If I were the party itself, I would feel so misunderstood. 

I have the theory that if we prepare conversationally with the same care we give to our food and clothing, we’d all be better off.  If everyone behaves as if they’re attending a conversation potluck, we’ll be lifted up.  Yes we will.  So, the rule is to have three topics that meet these simple criteria:

a) Interesting.  This sounds so basic, but how many times have you heard someone start to tell a story, and then get all stuck on some irrelevant detail.  “Last Tuesday…no, I think …

Best. Comment. Ever.

I got the best comment ever yesterday, and I thought it should be called out as an actual post because I haven't laughed so hard in a while.  If you have a blog, Anonymous, please let me know.  And her's the comment on the Ham in a Can post

Betsy, I see your ex-husband's girlfriend's dead customer's ham, and I raise you an ex-husband's girlfriend's dead brother's couch.

Here's the scenario: I'm at my former home, now my ex-husband and girlfriend's home, on some brief piece of business or other. He opens the garage door, from behind which I'd noticed a whirring sound. The garage is filled with belongings of the dead brother of his girlfriend (<--yes, the family friend he'd left me for). The brother had died alone in his house, and unfortunately the body had not been discovered for some time. I will spare you the grisly details, however, the whirring sound was an ozone generator meant to remove all smells from the furniture…

Astrological Jack Frost*

Aries (3/21 – 4/19):  That giant field of trash the size of California has been making its way here from Japan.  Some smart modeler guy says it's already arrived but we just haven't noticed it yet.  Aries, let's not focus on how that could have go undetected.  Instead, imagine that the beach will be turned into a giant garbage pile that's like a rusty version of Best Buy.  Let me know if you need anything.  C. ordered a bra, which I think is a good bet -- things without too many moving parts.  But Aries, I think you already have everything you need.  Enjoy it.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20): The other day, I sought out e-bro to see how it was going.

“Betsy, how many people who read your blog even care that you love your kids?  Seriously, you’ve gone on way too long about that.  And your daily updates?  Fail.”

"Hmm, I just don’t have much to write about right now."

“Isn’t that your whole point, to write about nothing?  Just stop writing about your kids so much.  Nobody c…