Confusing week ahead

Aries (3/21 – 4/19):   So I was listening to RadioLab, and they had an interview with a specialist in artificial intelligence who, through the course of online dating, fell in love with a robot, and went so far as to plan a trip to Russia to meet her.  Of course, he didn't know it was a robot; he was duped by her clever, loving chatter.   I thought I'd check out communicating with a robot, because what's wrong with a little clever, loving chatter now and then?  Cleverbot is a computer program that has been trained to communicate as if it were human.  Here's our conversation:

I don't know about you, Aries, but I was totally duped and found Cleverbot to be quite the fun conversationalist.   I can see how you'd fall for someone like that, and buy tickets to Moscow...  Even though I cut out the part about ...  Okay, never mind, I'll let you see that part too:

I thought that was pretty smooth about the casing.  Aries, the point is, things might not be as they seem, so stay alert, don't buy your airplane tickets just yet, and sheesh, don't remove your casing for just anyone! 

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20):   I was talking with a group of people the other day when someone mentioned that all states don't observe daylight savings time, and then someone else added, "in Zimbabwe, they're seven years behind --It's actually 2004 there."  They weren't talking metaphorically, like about the speed of the internet or anything, they were talking about the actual year.  I'm pretty sure there aren't people who use the Gregorian calendar, but are just behind, right?  That would be like, "Yeah, in Alabama, it's actually last Tuesday!  That's how they do it there."  You're week will be over soon, that's the good part.  You won't be stuck in last Tuesday forever. 

Gemini (5/21 – 6/21): Have you considered quantum jumping?  That's when you jump into one of the millions of alternate universes that you're already living in.  Some of the other yous have done amazing things like learn how to paint or make a lot of money or train horses.  In your case, Gemini, this is your best life.  So don't be jumping.  And anyway, the rest of us need you here.  Learning to paint isn't all it's cracked up to be. 


Cancer 6/22 – 7/21:

In about February of this year, I brought some leftover food from an Indian restaurant home, and per the new law, this food was packaged in a biodegradable container.  I ate the contents and put the container in my compost bin.  I turn that pile over pretty faithfully, not like an actual disorder, but close.  Each time I see that container, which is about every three days, its like meeting an old friend.  My compost pile has been about 126 degrees for the past few weeks, not that I measure the temperature every day or anything.  Sheesh, that would be weird.  Anyway, the point is, the container looks practically brand new.  In fact, when I came upon it yesterday, I thought, wow, I could pack my lunch in that thing.  (Except for the worms and dirt.)  That's how your week will be, Cancer.  Nearly indestructible.  Later, you'll be looking back on this time and calling it Teflon Week.  You could pack your lunch in this week. 

Leo (7/23 – 8/22):  It made me strangely happy to see this -- the Florida couple who attempted to seize the assets of Bank of America.  Sweet justice does happen, though sometimes it takes time and a really good attorney.  But just knowing it's out there is a good thing.  There's other stuff out there too; find some of it this week.  Report back.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22):  Last week I was sitting in a coffee shop, trying to write, when I overheard two men at the next table.  The first guy said, "come on, when will you deliver my dumpster? I need that NOW."  The other guy answered, but he was a bit waffley -- "we'll get to that."  I assumed Guy #1 was running some construction or demolition site, and Guy #2 was a contractor who was supposed to deliver a dumpster, right?  But I turned my attention away for a bit, and when I tuned back in, the first guy was saying, "so what's my job title gonna be?"  And the guy was vague again, saying something like, "you'll have to fill out these forms first."  So now it's a job interview, and Guy #1 is asking for the job?  I know.  I so wish I had paid better attention, because something interesting happened and I missed it.  Oh, how I hate that.  This could happen to you if you don't pay attention. 

Libra (9/23 – 10/22):  It does seem tacky that they're writing Steve Jobs obituary already.  Don't let them write yours.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21):  Does this whole anti-matter news have you troubled?  That scientists at CERN were able to capture it for 16 minutes?  Oh, so many questions, Scorpio.  Where is it now?  And aren't we glad, after all, that matter won the ultimate arm wrestle, causing anti-matter to be a bit player?  Do we really want a lot of anti-matter hanging around?  If matter plus antimatter equals annihilation, um.... should we be messing with that stuff?  And what does this mean: "a particle moving forward through time in our universe should be indistinguishable from an antiparticle moving backwards through time in a mirror universe."  Anyway, your week will be be full of confusion and questions, but luckily you'll be too busy to notice.

Saggitarius (11/22 – 12/21): The other day, N. came to my cube to say good morning, but although he was talking with his mouth, he was also flapping his fingers, thumb meeting the other four fingers in that talking motion.  (Just so you know, he doesn’t usually do that.)

“Do you have an imaginary puppet, N?”

He looked down at his hand as if he were unaware of its activities.  After thinking about it, we concluded that it would be a pretty good strategy, to have puppets who could talk to the people in the permit center.

“NO! You can't build that!  Not allowed!”  In a squeaky voice.  From a hand covered by a sock monkey.

Then I learned that there’s actually a movie about a guy who pulls himself out of depression by communicating exclusively through a beaver puppet that he found in a dumpster.  Why am I always so late to things?  Saggitarians, don't be late for the ideas this week.  Think 'em up, and act fast.

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19):  Oh, so Fox news accidentally used a picture of Tina Fey in their reporting about Palin's bus trip?  Seriously.  That reminds me of when they put the picture of Frank Caliendo on a story thinking it was W.  Oh wait, that never happened.  If you're accidentally mistaken for a right-wing nut job this week, just go with it.  Enjoy the fame, and maybe get a big bus!

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18):  I think it's super cool that the Palin supporters have been editing the wiki page on Paul Revere, don't you?  Maybe he did use bells.  Maybe he was trying to warn the British.  Maybe Paul was actually working for the other side.  Have you ever seen Paul Revere's birth certificate?  And even more importantly,  have you ever seen Tupac and Paul R. in the same room?  Coincidence?  I don't think so, you water-bearers.  You know the rest.   

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20):):  You've gotta admit that Weinergate has lead to some really funny stuff, like this blog post.  But it sounds like he's moving up as well as fessing up.  Still awkward.  Anyway, this week, raise the bar a little bit.  Confess when you need to, apologize well if you caused harm, and speak your truth with sweetness.