Surviving the Apocalypse: Yay Boom Boom!

Someone posted a thing on FB about how to desensitize your puppy to fireworks noises. The gist is that everytime your dog alarms to the sound of explosives, you give them a treat and say "YAY, BOOM BOOM!" Eventually, what was initially terrifying becomes drool worthy.

If the world is going to hell in a bucket, let's enjoy it, eh? Yay Boom Boom! So, here's a step by step guide to the apocalypse.

1. Start the evening with news on, faintly, so that you can't quite hear the words. When you hear trump boasting about his greatness, which you're tuned into the way a mouse is tuned into cats, take a shot of your favorite elixir and say, "Yay, boom boom!" Whisky is always a good choice, but seeing as its summer, you could choose gin.
2. Gradually, turn up the volume a little bit. Keep doing shots and saying "Yay, boom boom!" Start with inane stupid things, like, "Remember two things.  Number one, we're going to be saying Christmas again.  And number two, I said I was going to give you a Christmas present."  Really reward yourself for not reacting with a lot of "YAY BOOM BOOM's" and shots.
3. As you get better at this, keep turning the volume up and actually face the screen.  Remember, you've gotta reinforce yourself.  A lot.  (I learned that when I was reading up on how to create a flea circus.  Favorite quote, "you gotta reinforce them.")
4. If you hear that voice or see a headline and have any negative feeling at all, like tension in the pit of your stomach, a feeling of foreshortened future, or you notice tears streaming down your face, you may be trying to do the steps too quickly. Be sure to give yourself a big pat on the back and a lot of YAY BOOM BOOMs, and of course, a little more whisky. (Or, if you're a dog, maybe just cut up bits of hot dog.) Use a really happy squealy voice when you say "Yay! Boom Boom!"
5. Go back up to watching with the volume off, or listening with your face averted if it doesn't seem to be working.
6. Continue in this manner, increasing the volume, and even seeking out some of the more provoking audio, like the pussy-grabbing comments, or, "She's not my type."
7. After a while, you'll hear trump talk about Iran and think, Yay, Boom Boom! He hugs Kim Jong-un? Yay, Boom Boom! Kids in dirty diapers in cages at the border? Another shot, another happy squealy "Yay Boom Boom!"
8. If this seems too hard, start with one of the lesser criminals.  Do the yay boom boom thing when you consider Manafort getting put in a cushier jail, or Kushner's security clearance, or anything at all about KellyAnn Conway.  Work your way up to The Donald.  (See?  I typed that pet name without choking!)

By following these simple steps, you can take something that used to be terrifying and feel all YAY! Boom Boom! about it.  Good luck, everyone. Let me know how it goes.