Note to self

(The writing prompt for this week was to write an apology to yourself.)

Dear Self,

I’m sorry that I dragged you out of bed today at 6 am to go to a grueling yoga class, because I know you were tired and would rather have slept in. And I’m sorry I wasted so much time sitting around a coffee shop writing stuff for the dumb blog, but I must point out that it’s you that’s obsessed with it, not me.

I’m sorry that I took a nap in the middle of the gorgeous afternoon when you could have been outside playing, but I was so tired from that weird sleep last night; that dream where someone left me with 10 tiger kittens or whatever they call the baby tigers left me confused after I woke up, and it took me a long time to figure out that the ten baby tigers weren’t a real problem I had. It wasn’t my concern anymore to figure out if I should tame them, or re-introduce them to the wild, especially because the wild was Duvall, not Africa or India. But once I figured out it wasn’t a real problem, I thought, and I have to say, we both thought, what are my real problems again, anyway, if not that? Which is always a bad question to ask in the middle of the night; we both should know better.

And I’m sorry about that other dream I had in which I dreamt that in a previous dream, years ago, I had dreamed a book, and all I had to do is get up and write it, and again, I am sorry that I woke up confused about that too, thinking the book was already all written, somewhere in my head.

And I’m sorry that I dragged you up from that nap to go for a run, but you have to admit it was lovely late afternoon light, and it was kind of weird to find that little tiny dog wearing a red coat in the middle of the woods, miles from any houses. I’m sorry we couldn’t approach the dog to see what it’s tag said, because it was so growly and scared.

And I’m most of all sorry that we ran out of chocolate, because that’s one of the top things I should focus on at all times: Not Running Out Of Chocolate, no matter what else is going on.

I’m also a little tiny bit sorry for trying that beet chocolate cupcake recipe, because I don’t know if we didn’t measure correctly, or what, exactly, but after driving all the way to town for two cans of beets, I expected a better result, and I’m sure you did too.

~Me.

Why a blog?

I’ve been asked by a few people why I have a blog, which is a fair question. It's because I like to write. I like to write, but I also want to be read. Writing little stories privately isn’t as satisfying as writing with the idea that someone will read the words.

There’s a beautiful quote from Natalie Goldberg, “The deepest secret in our heart of hearts is that we are writing because we love the world.”

That sums it up. Writing is a way of savoring the little things that happen that make me laugh, or wake me up from my rut, or remind me of just how great life is, as trite as that sounds. It’s a way of gently breathing life into the mundane, being aware of the amazing stroke of good fortune I’ve had, to be alive when I am, amongst all of the interesting and kind people I know, with the particular children I was lucky enough to get. And sometimes I forget that, but not when I write.

So, thank you all so much for reading.