Taurus (4/20 – 5/20): I'm fairly obsessed with the Voynich Manuscript these days. I don't think it's unhealthy (yet.). Here's what's compelling: 1. It's a mystery (who wrote it, what does it say, and why was it written in code?) 2. It's a book. 3. It has completely charming illustrations of round naked women in bathtubs and plants; and 4) it's very old. What's not to like? Taurus, there will be a lot not to like about your week, but do your best to find what's good.
Gemini (5/21 – 6/21): I had the occasion to see my neice being carried and bounced around on a chair this week, and I'd like to confess that I was especially proud because she was the only one who could sit up there, clapping along to the music while drunken (ish) people bounced the chair above their heads. Everyone else, when it was their turn, seemed to clutch the chair for dear life. This week, Gemini, be the person who claps rather than clings, even if you might die doing it.
Cancer (6/22 – 7/21): I was at a party recently where I knew almost no one. Everyone there seemed to be a techy person. "Do you write code?" someone asked me. "No, but I write horoscopes." It turns out that's a good way to get everyone to walk away and leave you in peace to drink quietly. Which isn't so terrible. Your week won't be so terrible either, Cancer.
Leo (7/23 – 8/22): I heard recently that not being able to identify the smell of peanut butter with your left nostril at 20 centimeters is a predictor of Alzheimer's. I'd like to be able to give myself that test, but I suppose that would be cheating. ("Ok, self, I have something on a spoon, 20 centimeters away from you. Close your eyes and guess what it is.") But maybe it's okay to cheat on things like that -- Is there much difference between that and positive affirmations? If you're going to be a cheater, be that kind. Do what you must this week.
Virgo (8/23 – 9/22): One thing I learned this weekend is that I come from people who stuff cookies in their pockets when they depart from a festive event. I'm not sure whether to be proud or alarmed. But another thing I learned is what happened to the family photos. My cousin snagged them and decorated his apartment with pictures of my sisters and I when we were little, and my kids when they were young and so on. I cannot begin to convey how hilarious it is for this single guy to have decorated his "love shack" with these photos and my dad's medical diploma and other memorabilia. When people come to his house and see all the kids, they say, "oh, is this your family?" And he just says, "Yup." Okay, I'll just say I'm totally lucky that he's in my family, that's for sure. Virgo, if you're taking a bubble bath and someone calls and invites you for a drink, get up already! Put some pants on and go meet them.
Libra (9/23 – 10/22): A friend told me she had a dream about me that we're calling, "Big Hair, Big Love." I didn't hear the details but I gather there was lots of product involved. Libra, focus on the big love without the big hair this week. Enjoy.
Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21): I hate to make this all about the neck pillow, but we haven't talked about neck pillow envy yet. You know you've had it. You're about to get on a terrible long flight, and you see people looking smug, wearing (I know!) their neck pillows as if that's cool (which it's not, if there's any doubt.) But still, you feel a bit insecure, like, shoot! I should have a neck pillow. I should hang out with the cool kids! In second recess, I should play tag instead of sitting in the corner drawing horses. (Oh, wait, I didn't mean to say that.) But here's the truth: the neck pillows aren't so great as a neck support, but they do work as a calming comfort object when you're too old to clutch a stuffed animal. Scorpio, no clutching this week. Drop everything and breathe.
ROSeTTA STONe
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Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19): It's much effort to write, Cap, so I'll offer this up.
Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18): In Japan, sales of adult diapers exceed the sale of baby diapers. That is one sorry fact. But it did make me wonder -- do adults ever go for the cloth, the way I did with my babies? Right? You just don't hear of a diaper service delivering to old folks homes. Business idea: a truck with diapers, horoscopes, and permits. Sort of like alchemy only different.
Oh, and the answer: On account of the frosting.